The blog of a man STILL addicted to beef jerky

A recipe for disaster

2008-04-11T13:14:00.003-04:00

I've been gone for quite a while, but now that I have a new computer, I'm back! Yes, I am back and with new stuff to rant about! Yay!

Here's a scenario: I assume that if you're reading this, you are a guy or a girl. You are probably a teenager or a little older than that. In case this never happened to you (which I highly doubt), imagine that you're in your early to mid-teens and that there is a girl or a guy that you really like. This person might be your first really big crush, the first person that you really like for the right reasons, or the first person you could really see yourself with in the future. The first person seems to be the one that people get attached to the most, that they compare future potential boyfriends/girlfriends to, so I'll use that person in the scenario (in your life it might not have been the first person that you felt this way towards). Also, this person that you like is the same age as you. You're probably a pretty good person, and the person you like is probably a good person too. Here's the kicker: some time has gone by, you two have gotten to know each other, and you both like each other.

Sounds nice, doesn't it? No, it's a recipe for disaster! In a universe where stuff goes right this is a great situation. In our universe, the odds of things working out between them are a lot closer to zero than one might first imagine. How can this be? What crazy ideas have filled my mind since I last posted something on this site!?

I'll do what Fox News claims to do: I'll report and you'll decide. First off there's no guarantee that either of you like just one person. There's probably competition you have to deal with. What's that competition like? Guys can go for girls with a lower religious quality than they should and visa versa. The bad boy/bad girl is more fun. You're too young to get married, why not have fun until you're ready to get married!?

First off, fun doesn't prepare you for marriage. It might help you see what qualities that "fun" person has that you wish they had. You can learn from it, but it's not the best way to learn. This brings up my next point: this person in my scenario that you're interested in (most likely the first person you've become attached to) will probably just be a learning experience. I know so many people that didn't end up with that first person. Think about it yourself, how often does that happen?

I personally believe that relationship stuff is best learned through experience. People and relationships are different; your experiences will be different than someone else's. You can be taught guidelines, see other people's examples, but we're all unique, and that's why I think the best way for people to learn about relationship stuff is by experiencing it on their own. (Note: I'm not saying that you have to start dating that person to learn. How do you act around that person? Do you stop acting like yourself and try to impress them? Why are you really interested in that person? Are you more attracted to their looks? Do you really just want someone to like you back? Those are just some questions you ask yourself and learn from while you're still getting to know someone. And, as a technicality, friendships are relationships.)

So back to the scenario. You and this person you like will probably be a learning experience for each other. You obviously don't know everything (or maybe anything) about real love. Mistakes will be made, and probably not just by you. That's not a recipe for success.

Oh, and one more thing. You're both the same age. That pretty much means you're screwed. It's a stereotype that girls go for the older guy. It becomes a stereotype because it's usually true. Older guys are more mature, are probably closer to baptism (if they're not already baptized), and have been in the work force longer and concluded their education sooner (sucks to be you, why couldn't you have been born two years earlier?). Guys can't go for even slightly younger girls until they're about 20 (a 19 year old dating a 17 year old doesn't sound right in my book for more than one reason). Guys going for younger girls might seem cheap and easy. Girls going for older guys is just them getting on the fast track to marriage.

Am I a pessimist? In this case, I'm a realist. I've seen this sort of scenario play out just as I've described. I've seen it more than once, more than twice. I've seen the same conclusion happen different ways. I'm sorry to say I don't have some happy way to turn this around. I try and point out the good things in my posts, even when things seem bad. In this case, all I can say is that if you went through this scenario I described, you probably reached the same conclusion; you tried, you failed, you learned, and you moved on. You thought you found 'the one', and it didn't work out. Learn from it and move on is all I can say. Freak out about the situation for a bit, but move on.

Maybe someone out there has a different perspective, or some light at the end of the tunnel that I don't see. Two people learning about love and themselves is about the only good thing I can see from this. And maybe some reassurance. Don't feel bad that it didn't work out. It probably wasn't supposed to, not then anyways. Maybe later, maybe with someone else, but don't get yourself down when things didn't work out the first time. Hopefully you've become a better man or woman because of it, and can be a better person for that special someone you eventually end up with.

Here's the dealio

2007-10-26T20:05:00.000-04:00

It's time for my idea of the month. This one doesn't (necessarily) involve women!

Situation: There's a crisis in your life. Your mother is going to get surgery to have her thyroid removed because it may have cancer growing on it. Yes, this is a real scenario, and yes, my mom survived the surgery. How do you respond? You could ask your friends to pray for your mom's surgery. Good call? Yes. Go do a study on healings in the New Testament (even just miracles in general will work), and see what's going on when those people are healed. Usually there's someone who has total faith that the healing will occur, or there are a lot of people who have faith and as a result there are a lot of healings or miracles. There are a lot of examples where a lot of people faithfully praying for someone's healing for the right reasons (right reasons mean that you aren't praying for your faith to be increased because the faith needs to be there first before the miracle, you're not trying to impress others or draw attention to yourself) can bring about a healing if it is God's will for that person to even be healed at that time or even at all. Yes, run on sentences are fun.

Moving on, what else can you do? You can pray to God yourself! Good call? Yep. Personal prayer is important. Asking others to pray for someone or something is good, but it means nothing if you don't actually do it yourself. You think God's gonna like seeing you pass off prayer responsibilities (we do have a responsibility to pray for others) to others and not do it yourself!? Heck no! If you want to see something done, at least pray for it yourself.

So let's say you do these things but you've been neglecting other areas of your Christian life. Know what that's called? Yes, it is stupid, but that's not what I'm looking for. The word I'm looking for is selfish. SELFISH! The 'fish' part of that word may stand out and seem kind of funny (it does for me), but think about it! Everything is good, everything is fine, your spiritual life is suffering but it's not a big worry right now. You just KNOW that you'll get your act together later. Some way, some how, you'll drop all these habits of yours and start being a better person. You know you should be doing better, but you're just not right now. But it's ok, life is fine right now. Could be better, could be worse. And then WHAM! Something bad happens. Your mom is going to get surgery. She could die. Replace that example with something in your life. Someone close to you is sick and dying. Your family is facing serious financial problems and if you don't get money in 30 days, you'll be living on the street. I know we all can think of real serious things in our lives that we've wanted God to work out.

Got that example in your head? Good. Think about how you felt during that time. You may have cried or wanted to. Other things in your life now seem trivial. You really want God to work this out. You want a good resolution. So you ask Him to heal that person, provide money for your family, whatever. Problem is, you've been neglecting your spiritual life.

"Hi God, remember me? Yeah, I know, I haven't talked with You for a while. I haven't read much of Your book lately. I do enjoy it sometimes though. Anywho, I was hoping You could forget that I've been spending like no time being the Christian I should be and work out this miracle in my life. Why? Oh, umm...because I'd like You to? I'd be so thankful that I'd...well, I don't want to make any promises I know I won't keep. How about we just say that I'd really like this miracle worked out in my life and I might try to be a better Christian for a while and hopefully I'll stick with it. Well...hopefully in the future, when I'm done having all this fun, I'll stick with it."

That is in essence what you'd be saying. You've been neglecting God, if it weren't for the fact that God loved you, there'd be no good reason for Him to work a miracle in your life, and based on your past and recent actions, you certainly can't guarantee that you'll do any better in the future, even if God does work out that miracle in your life. We all know that no matter what we do, we can't "pay God back" or however you want to word it, but if we're going to live a Christian life, there are things we have to do. If we ask God to work things out in our life and don't do anything on our end, that's selfish. SELFISH! Not shellfish, selfish!

So here's the dealio: if you're gonna ask God to do something for you, you should do something for God. When I say something, I don't mean just one thing. By something, I mean that you should obey Him. That's a lifetime thing. He does uphold your life, work out things in your life that you don't even know about, and has reserved a spot for you in the Book of Life. This is all after He gave you life. The least you could do is obey Him, rather than kind of obey Him and ask for things in return. Once again, that's selfish. SELFISH.

You know what else would be stupid/selfish? Not thanking God after working out that miracle in your life. I don't think there's a word to describe how stupid that is. Saying it's Paris Hilton-ish is two words, so that doesn't work. Anywho, when God delivers, give Him the credit! Right away! In public, in private, wherever. When it happens, do it. You didn't bring about that miracle, and your goodness, or lack thereof, certainly didn't bring it about. It's selfish to ask for something, get it, and not say thank you. "Oh, cool, things worked out, I can get back to avoiding God now with less worries." Yay, you're being a selfish idiot!

Think about how you're living your life and just how selfish you're being. Think about how selfish/stupid you're being for getting upset that God hasn't worked out something in your life yet if you haven't done anything to deserve it (I know we don't earn things from God through our works. We need to do something from our end, that's the point I'm trying to make).

Before, during, and after a crisis, do the right thing and obey God. It's just that simple.

Stop with the hotness already!

2007-09-07T23:41:00.000-04:00

For some reason, a line from the Simpsons comes to mind. The minister's wife would occasionally say in a histerical voice "Won't someone please think of the children!?" Well, won't someone please think of the guys? Yes women, I'm looking right at you when I say that.

Before thoughts of misogyny (look it up) invade your brain, let me elaborate. Women are hot. It's pretty much the truest fact of life for men. The sun rises every day, water is good for you, flatulence is funny, women are hot. There's no changing it, no denying it.

So here's the thing: we don't want to see your hotness. Seriously, we don't. Your tummy might be nice and flat, your legs might be slim and tan, and your whatever might be whatever, but we don't need to see it. Got a hot picture of yourself in a 2 piece bathing suit with your bffs who are also in 2 piece bathing suits? Don't make it your default myspace picture. Got another picture of you in short shorts and a tight t-shirt while you try and give your best 'happy and innocent even though everyone knows that you're not innocent and you can turn that happy face on any time you want' smile? Don't waste your time uploading it to Ringo. You'll pretty much just get perverted guys saying "ur hot" or your girl friends telling you "dang girl, your soooooo sexy!" Unless that's really what you want.

Bad but possibly funny analogy time: Men are like drug dogs and attractive women are like bags of crack and heroine. The drug dog does not want to know there are drugs in the area. Drug dog doesn't want to think "Oh man, there's some mighty fine crack over there" or "check out that marijuana." Drug dog wants to go about his business without constantly being distracted. Drug dog didn't ask to have a hightened perception of narcotics, but it's a fact of life.

Yes, guys also need to do their part too by not encouraging women to dress a certain way, and practicing self-control (which basically lasts their entire lifetime) when some hotty walks by (not diverting the eyes, not spending more time with one woman than another just because she's more attractive).

We want modesty. Yes, other guys don't want modesty, and even guys that do want modesty might not always act like it. But it's the truth. Here's are two simple equations that sum up our opinion of modesty and hotness: hotness before marriage = bad; hotness after marriage = good. I'm not saying or implying or asking or wanting you to get rid of or never wear your shorts or bathing suits or something ridiculous like that. I'm saying that it's in our best interest if you don't put a stumbling block in our way.

When a guy's married to his wife, oh yes, hotness all the way. Until then, we don't want to see how attractive 90% of your body looks. Whether you're in modest clothes or something that's more than just a little revealing, we'll still know you're attractive. Also, it doesn't send us the best message if you're flaunting your body around all the time.

We simply ask that when you upload a picture of yourself or buy a bunch of new clothes for this year or whatever, consider that although the clothes may be cute or the picture may be a good memory, that it may be a disservice to guys.

Don't do it

2007-08-25T17:04:00.000-04:00

Bands are not allowed to cover songs any more. Why? Because the band that usually covers the song has a combined music talent that isn't worth mentioning, there's a decent chance the song isn't worth remaking, and they bastardize (harsh word, but it's used in the Bible) the song. When I hear a really bad cover of a song I actually like, I want to rewind time back to a point when all I knew was the good version of that song. Sometimes a band messes up and accidentally comes out with a good cover (since most song covers suck, it has to be the band's intention to make them crappy, right?), but I'll give up the occasional good remake of a song if I never have to hear my favorite song after it's been through a musical blender.

The world is a one way street of crap

2007-04-06T20:54:00.000-04:00

The world is crap and full of crap ideas. The world bombards us with the ideas that women are goddesses and are these extra special people that can get away with crap because they have different anatomy. So you've got different anatomy, good for you. So I'm attracted to you, good for...one of us. Explain why you're so extra special. Oh wait, let me look at advertising, see if that can explain why you are just so darn special.

I would like to add that I am not sexist, just really annoyed with the crap ideas that the world throws at us, and I am attacking that, not people with two X chromosomes.

In general, if there is a commercial where the woman plays the main role, there are two types of women used; the serious woman, and the goddess woman. The serious woman is about age 30 or so, and talks to you about osteoperosis, minivans, or pre-made lunch foods for your children that will give them cancer in 20 years. The other is the goddess woman, who usually doesn't talk much, because it usually isn't really what she has to say that makes her a goddess, it's how she looks. What is a goddess commercial like?

Look at me, I'm so hot, and look at how I move around, I'm an independent woman, and look at how my hair flows around me, I'm so wonderful...by the way, this leg shaver is pretty good, it makes me feel hot, and independent, and wonderful.

There's also this one that I've hated for a while. Oh no, there's this wire, and it goes behind the wall, and it's connected to something I don't like. I'm gonna pull that wire through the wall, and it happens to travel through most of the room, and make a big freaking mess, but I've reached what that wire is connected to. I'm gonna smile and make my husband clean up after me, because I'm too...well, there's no reason why he should have to clean it up, since I was stupid and made a big mess, but I have the goddess mentality, I am just that good because I'm a woman, so I don't care. Just as long as he still loves me after I intentionally do something really stupid, and as long as he doesn't bring it up, because that would impede on how important I feel.

Movies are advertising, let's go there. The Princess Bride. Woman treats guy like crap, guy puts up with it. She eventually realizes that she loves him (and by "loves him", I mean that she took advantage of an opportunity that would play out in her favor, because the guy kept saying "as you wish", which basically means "I'll do whatever you want to make you happy, please, exploit the goodness of my heart"), guy decides to still love her after putting up with her crap. Misfortune befalls him, she is heartbroken, and for illogical reasons, vows to never marry (she got attached to her hot boy toy from Robin Hood: Men In Tights). He rescues her, but she eventually finds out that he didn't return to her as fast as he could so that he could pamper her, so she gets upset (forgetting that he just risked his life numerous times for her unthankful butt). Then as he tries to escort her to safety, she is completely useless in situations where he needs help. After other people are dragged into a complicated situation that she has made worse, and her "true love" makes the ultimate sacrifice, the movie of course ends on a positive note, where the guy and girl get together (setting up unrealistic expectations in the minds of optimistic and impressionable little girls who are learning how to exploit guys and that they really don't need to do much except try and be hot in order to get what they want, which in this case, was a man who was trying to be nice but was really setting himself up to get screwed over, but because this was a kid's movie, didn't show the real ending where the guy realizes how stupid it was to devote himself to such a selfish, but hot, woman, who really cared about the emotional attachment she had to his hotness and selfless devotion to her and her desires).

Goddess-like attitudes of treating herself extra special (and in return treating the guy like crap on purpose), making rash, illogical decisions because she feels like it, being upset that the guy didn't put forth 100% effort to always be with her, even though he just risked his life to be with her, and not returning the effort to be helpful when he needed help, those goddess-like attitudes pervade this movie.

The goddess is special, beautiful, desirable, independent when she doesn't need help, only dependent when she can't do stuff by herself, does not talk about times where she needed help because those are not events that happen to a goddess, thinking of herself first and foremost, forgetting the good that you did and focusing on something you did/didn't do because she never communicated for you to do/not do that thing, is allowed to make mistakes that she shouldn't have to clean up, expects the guy to clean up after her, expects the guy not to make mistakes, expects people to know what she wants at all times, yet somehow wants to be mysterious.

Simply put, the goddess is selfish. The goddess wants the guy to risk himself for her, but doesn't want to do the same for him. The guy risks things for her and does things for her, and the goddess thinks that because she is a goddess, that she is fair compensation to the guy. There is no guarantee the guy will be fairly compensated for what he does, but the goddess has a man who will do stuff for her and take care of her, so she is happy, and that's what really matters.

The guy wants to do stuff for her, take care of her, make her feel happy and special. Those things should be done because he wants to do them, not because she is some extra special girl that thinks too highly of herself and expects stuff from people. The girl shouldn't do crap on purpose. The girl shouldn't have the hypocritical "I'm independent except for all the times that I'm not, but we won't mention those because they make me feel less special" persona. The guy shouldn't have to wonder if all his time and effort devoted to this girl will end up in a fair compensation (getting a woman who will put back time and effort).

Men and women are different; we have responsibilities and ways of thinking and whatnot, but we're equals. We're both human, we both make mistakes, we both want to love and be loved, we both have the same opportunities for eternal life. I'm sorry, but you are not some extra special thing that should be put on a pedestal. You're a person, period. Be realistic, be sensible, don't do stupid crap on purpose, don't think you're all that. Just be a real person who treats others the way they should be treated, and you know what? Someone just might want to treat you like a goddess (in some ways) because they love you, not because you love yourself.

Be real and stay away from the "women are extra special because they can seduce people and society says that women should be treated in ways that are totally unrealistic" crap the world throws at us.

Oh, and one more thing...

2007-01-30T16:03:00.000-05:00

I haven't found a guy that wouldn't mind a girlfriend/wife with tennis player legs. Remember that list of things I said that a virtuous guy likes in a girl? Put this near the top of the wishlist of things that we don't need, but will certainly take. Umm, yeah, that's basically all I wanted to say.

If anyone can convert Maria Sharapova or someone of her ilk (Russian women seem to have a monopoly on attractive tennis players, but us guys are open to other possibilities), let us know.

Should it really be like this?

2007-01-29T15:29:00.000-05:00

It's time: time for the guy to pop the big question. Well, the first big question: "Will you go out with me?", or however it ends up being worded. He's built up the confidence he needs to ask you out, considered the risks and the rewards, and decided that the reward (you) is worth the risks (stuff I'll get into shortly). The guy is experiencing tension, excitement, and fear (this is if he doesn't know how you feel about him, and I'll get into that shortly as well too). Will our hero experience ecstasy or embarrassment? Were his intuitions right, or way off? If he's turned down, will they still be friends, or it will their friendship get screwed up?

If those were two real people I was talking about, we'd want to know the answers to those questions. But I have a better question than all of them. Read blog post title and insert that sentence here.

Could things be different? Could a guy ask a girl out without having to worry about embarrassment, loss of a friend, or whatever? Is there a way for the guy to not have to guess how she feels about him nearly as much as he has to? Do things have to be this way? Why are they this way?

My contention is that the world has affected this part of our lives. We're supposed to be Christians. I'm supposed to be concerned about your wants above mine. I should be willing to do what I can to help you. I should do what's in your best interest. I should not be offended, and I should try not to offend you. I should be in control of my own emotions, and be concerned about how the other person feels.

Let's pretend that there's a guy and a girl who are both like that, but the guy doesn't know quite how she feels about him. He's ready to ask her out. Sure, the guy still feels anticipation, and he's afraid that she'll say no. But besides rejection and some embarrassment, that's about as far as his fear goes. He knows that both of them are Christians that really care about other people. There's no reason why they shouldn't still be friends if she says no (though stuff sometimes happens of course).

Also, these two Christian people should be in control of their emotions. He should be able to accept being turned down, and both should be able to calmly talk about it. They should both be concerned about how the other person is feeling after a situation like this, and make sure the other person is feeling okay.

Minor tangent, but these are things we should do to our friends, and even our enemies, but back to the topic. See how much different things are if we act like real Christians to each other? Loss of friendship and major embarrassment aren't concerns because they shouldn't happen. But what about the other "problem" that I presented earlier? The guy doesn't know how she feels about him.

There's no single answer to that. However, I believe that the guy could know how she feels (and visa versa) more often, but there's a big reason why he doesn't. It's the same reason why friendships can get screwed up and there can be embarrassment. It's worldly influence, and a specific kind too.

People keep their opinions of others to themselves. We're a "tolerant society", and we don't want others to know how we feel about them (whether it's good or bad). If we tell someone in the world just how we feel about them, we won't get a Christian response most of the time. Those attitudes (being tolerant of everyone and not sharing how you feel) has rubbed off on us, I'm sure of it.

Think back to right after the Wisconsin shooting. We all tried to be there for each other. We tried to comfort one another, listen to one another, pull together, and I heard many say that they'd try to let others know how they felt about them. Not surprisingly, that ideal way of thinking wore off, and everyone went back to normal. In my opinion, we (that definitely includes me as well) didn't live up to our word (which is called lying), and didn't continue to do our duty as Christians (which is not good enough). We failed.

Why were we willing to tell each other how much we meant to each other as friends (or more than friends)? Was it because we were all trying to act like Christians? Was it because we were all putting ourselves second and each other first? Was it because we knew we could trust the other person with how we felt about them? Was it because things like embarrassment seemed so petty at the time? Did we not have to worry about the friendship getting screwed up if we shared how we felt because at the time, knowing how the other person felt about you seemed so much more important?

Earlier I asked that you pretend that there was a guy and girl who were Christian and treated each other that way. Now imagine those two Christian people, but imagine that they grew up in a world where things were like they were after the shooting (people being open and honest with each other, putting each other first, etc.). In this world, the guy more than likely knows how she feels about him, and visa versa (because being open and honest with each other is normal). He feels confident about himself already because he knows just how much he means to all his friends. And even if he didn't know how she felt and he asks her out and she says no, there shouldn't be any embarrassment, because they'll have grown up expressing themselves to others.

Unfortunately, that world isn't real. For a little while after the Wisconsin incident, it was real, but it faded away. I think that we should try for this kind of world. I know we'll never achieve that kind of world in this life, but think about it: people being open, honest, having a selfless, Christian attitude towards each other. No fear, no embarrassment. I think that's kind of what things will be like in the future. Why not aim for that now? Why not try to put that into practice in our lives? Why not do what we can to help our friendships go to deeper levels, and help those deep friendships transform into something more?

Yeah, I went all over the place with this post, but I think the message was important, and worth sharing. I think we can all do so much better in this area of our lives, and ask ourselves why we aren't. I think we should aim for the way we treated each other after Wisconsin, and we should also aim to stay that way.

Should it really be like this? I think life should be like the way I described, and I think we should try for it, but that's just me.

Life's not a fairy tale

2007-01-28T00:48:00.000-05:00

And you're not a princess. Remember all those Disney movies you more than likely grew up watching? The girl gets in trouble, the guy goes through some crazy adventure to save her, they ride off into the sunset together, the end.

Here's the thing: You're not a little mermaid, you're not princess Jasmine, you're not a sleeping beauty (except for when you're asleep), and we're not coming to rescue you from some evil witch or whatever. Sure, we'd like to rush in, save your life and greatly improve the quality of it due to our presence, and live happily ever after with you. There's just one small problem. Read the title of this blog post again if you forgot what the problem is.

The Disney idea of the princess is an attractive girl who is deserving of her charming prince, the "getting to know each other" process is usually ignored, and she has to wait for him to sweep her away. As a girl, you'll probably find some way to associate yourself with the princess, and the idea of being a beautiful princess being swept away from a charming prince probably sounds pretty sweet.

Let's look at reality. First of all, you're not a princess, and it's not a guarantee that you're attractive. Second of all, us guys aren't princes. In fact, Prince, formerly known as...the artist formerly known as Prince, sucks, and we want to have nothing in relation to that guy. I think the people who read this blog understand that you need to get to know the other person first, so I won't get into that. A woman waiting for a man to sweep her off her feet; that's a thing us guys have a problem with.

A situation like that basically means the guy has to do the brunt of the work to make things work out. Ok, as guys, we know that we have our responsibilities before and during a relationship. We'll pay for your dinners, travel to see you, call you more often than you call us, do what we can to help you with your problems, and other things as well (I'm going under the assumption that this is a good guy, and this is the kind of guy that you like). We're fine with doing the majority of the work.

What we don't like is when we see a lack of effort on the girl's part. Friendships are mutual. A relationship is mutual. I put forth effort, you put forth effort. I'm not saying that it has to be 50% on each side. I'm not even saying that it has to be close to 50% on each side. In fact, there is no exact way to say it, so I'll try my best: us guys want to see some positive responses when we do stuff to help move a friendship towards a relationship, and maybe even a little bit of effort on your part to help things with the relationship.

Imagine that every choice we make that involves the relationship is like deciding who goes first in a game of chess. And every time, we're white (not a racist statement) and go first. We'll be the ones to ask the other person out, we'll do the other things like I said. But when we're deciding if you're right for us, we want to know that the person we're considering is willing and able to put forth effort.

While we're in the pre-relationship phase (or pre-sweeping you off your feet phase), we're considering the effort you put forth into the friendship and keeping the friendship going well. We're also considering a bunch of other things, but effort is important. The thing is, us guys don't want to be lonely; we want a woman in our life. Having a woman helps complete us in an amazing way that I can't explain since it can't be put into words (plus I've never experienced it before). God created us this way. And when us guys are thinking about the times we can spend with you in the future, we're considering the effort you'll put forth at that time. We're wondering if you'll help complete us in the way we want you to or not. We're wondering if the two-way street of love will be a 6-lane highway on one side and a single road on the other, or if you too will have a 6-lane highway worth of effort on your side. Yes, cheesy analogy, but the best I could come up with at 3:30 in the morning. That 6-lane highway of yours needs to be there during marriage, and we want to see that it will be like that during marriage.

Maybe as a woman, you're acting like this because you're testing the guy, to see if he's dedicated to you, if he'll be there for you, if he really, truly loves you, etc. If you decide to go that route, it's up to you, but keep in mind that us guys are taking note of the fact that you may be acting like a woman who doesn't put forth her due effort. We also have no way of knowing if you are testing us or are in fact really bad at putting forth effort (something we don't want).

I also mentioned earlier how a Disney princess is someone who is deserving of her prince. If you are testing the guy, remember that you too are not perfect. In fact, the guy may be deserving of someone better than you, or visa versa of course. If you're gonna test a guy like this, make sure that you too are willing to be tested (though us guys go about testing women differently than women test us). Remember that he may be the best thing to happen in your life, and that you're not some royal princess who deserves to have the world revolve around them, but you're a human being, just like the guy who is trying to win you over. Remember that we want to see that you're a woman who can and will put forth the effort.

Remember that life isn't a fairy tale. I can't stop you from wishing that some parts of it were, but if you set your expectations at unrealistic levels, you may screw up your best opportunity. Put forth some effort, show some love, help make things easier and better, and we'll love you all the more for it.

Don't be a brick wall

2006-12-28T15:49:00.001-05:00

Ok ladies, so you like this guy, and either you know he likes you, or think he does. And you want things between you two to move forward. How do you do that? What do you do?

Whatever you do, don't be a brick wall.

Brick walls are emotionless objects that prevent people from going forward. If you think some guy likes you, and you would like him to, don't treat him like every other guy. This isn't a game of poker where the other person has to guess if you really have a full house or if you're bluffing.

It's the guy's responsibility to eventually ask the girl out. It's not the easiest thing in the world. It's a little scary for us guys. But you know what, we're man enough to do it...if we have good reason to. You want us to put it all on the line for you? Give us a couple good reasons to.

If it's the man's responsibility to ask her out, what is the woman's responsibility? To make the guy guess whether this brick wall really feels anything for him? To put the guy through stress because he really wants to ask her out, but because she doesn't put much, if any, effort into showing how she feels, he doesn't ask her out? Is it her responsibility to play hard to get and completely screw around with the guy's emotions because he has no idea if she feels anything for him or if she's putting him through hell just to see if he's really devoted to her?

No, I believe it's her responsibility to not be a brick wall, but to show some emotion, to put some effort into it. Be patient with how you show your emotions, be natural, don't rush things, but at least show something. Show that you enjoy yourself, call him from time to time, for example. Bottom line: PUT SOME EFFORT INTO IT.

If you've already got a good friendship with the guy and you do those things to show that you like being around him, put effort into staying in contact with him, stuff like that, he'll still agonize over whether you like him or not, but at least he'll have something to go on. He'll have reason to go forward.

Do you want someone who you don't like to ask you out? I'm guessing you probably wouldn't, because you'd rather the person that you like to ask you out instead (if the time is right of course). Treat that guy that you like a little differently and give him the green light to keep going forward.

Guys really hate it when women act like brick walls. In contrast, we like women who do their part, put forth the effort, and help things run smoothly. Does a guy want to date a woman who he thinks won't put forth effort to keep the relationship alive, or one who seemingly doesn't care about the emotional distress he goes through because of her? Heck no.

Asking a girl out can be a risk/reward situation. If we had a choice between asking out a girl who we like but is a brick wall, and not asking her out and keeping a good friendship alive rather than potentially screwing it up, we'll almost always choose to keep the friendship going. Why? The friendship could get screwed up if we she says no, and if she says yes, we may end up with someone who won't put their fair share of effort into the relationship, neither of which we want.

Do the Christian thing, and be helpful. Be a good friend, and help us. Don't be afraid to show some emotion and help things move along. Don't make us give up on you because you never put forth the effort.

It's been a year

2006-10-28T18:08:00.000-04:00

13 months ago, I wrote a post on here, asking us if we've truly grown. To summarize that post, I said that if we learn more about the Bible, learn more about ourselves and our weaknesses, spend more time with God, and continue to screw up in the same ways, have we really improved? The results indicate no. If I'm still as selfish or covetous or lustful or whatever as I was a year ago, regardless of how much more I've learned, I haven't really improved. Knowing not to do wrong and still doing it doesn't make me any better. In fact, because I know that what I'm doing is wrong and I continue to do it, I'm more responsible for my actions.

I'll give you the example of a smart guy and a not as smart guy, both of whom God has called. This is just a made up example to help me prove my point. The smart guy can pick up on sermons and topics in the Bible fairly quickly. He can see and understand parallels, remember where certain scriptures are, and can see the parts of his life that need to be worked on.

Then there's the not as smart guy. He has to read certain chapters more than once to understand what they mean. He completely avoids certain parts of the Bible because they would be way above his head. He has to spend more time asking God to help him see and understand.

Who has the advantage, based on the way I have described these 2 guys? The not as smart guy, and I'll tell you why. Christianity is more than just "book smarts". Knowledge is great, and we are commanded to get understanding and grow in knowledge. But just knowing our Bibles won't save us.

In the example I gave, the smart guy was maybe a little too zealous. He understood the milk and wanted the meat. The elementary principles were easy, he wanted the more complex things. In his haste, he failed to lay a true foundation. He didn't have to pray to God as much because he didn't have to ask for as much help. He didn't study his Bible as much because it made sense the first time he read through. Without taking his time and setting that true and real foundation, he failed to truly have a relationship with God. His knowledge was more important than the One who gave it to him.

The less smart guy, while slower, developed his foundation. He spent more time reading, more time praying and meditating. Reading the Bible became more of a joy for him because it wasn't easy, and he could see the fruits of his labor. God became real to him because he spent time learning about Him and spending time with Him.

If we want to build a building, we had better take the time to lay the foundation, and plant the seed in the right soil. We had better want to keep learning, but that can't be all that we do. We need to make God real to us, if we haven't already. We need to spend time with Him, learn from our mistakes and from the mistakes of others and become wiser. We need to practice mercy and patience and all those other qualities.

We need our religion to be much more than just a mental one. It needs to be a social and emotional one. We can't just know it, we need to live it.

In the last year, have you truly grown? If you've gotten smarter in the ways of God, and that's about it, then the answer is no. You have failed, yes, failed to live with Christ in you. There are thousands of ministers out there in worldly churches that know what the Bible says a lot better than you. They have the knowledge. What'll that get them? It won't be the reward you and I are aspiring to achieve. Yes, if they repent and change their ways, they will can achieve that same goal also. But they have to CHANGE THEIR WAYS because all their knowledge will amount to nothing! The same thing applies to you, regardless of if you know the truth.

I ask this question one more time: In the last year, have you truly grown? The Feast will be here in 11 months. That's about a year, plenty of time for you to learn, and plenty of time to change. Be slow if you have to. When you clean your room before Unleavened Bread, it's a slow process. You have to move things, clean them, clean behind them, put them back, and after an hour, it may not seem like you've accomplished much. To God, a 3 hour deep clean is better than a 20 minute touch up. Be slow and steady if you have to, but get something done.

Knowledge is great, and as I said earlier, we are commanded to get it. But we need more than knowledge, much more. Knowledge is only part of the marvelous puzzle God has set for each of us to solve. Let's figure out what the picture is before we start putting the pieces together. Let's lay down or cement our foundation before we build on it. I hope that in one year, all of us, including and especially me, can say that we have truly grown. God bless us all.

The perfect woman

2006-09-16T18:00:00.000-04:00

What is the perfect woman like? Oh man, this is a loaded question. But I'm going to answer it. I know that the perfect woman for one guy won't be the same as the next guy. But just hear me out, and you'll get your answer.

I'll start with appearance, since that's the first thing you notice about someone. We all know what the stereotypical perfect woman would look like. I won't go into details. However, there are also different ways a woman can look that would be "perfect" to us. Without going into details, a short girl with a certain body type, certain face structure and hair color/style could look perfect to a guy. A taller girl with a different height, body type, face structure, and hair color/style could also be deemed "perfect" in that guy's mind as well. Us guys have seen many women in our lifetime that are "perfect", and we're gonna keep seing more. If you happen to hear a guy say that some woman looks perfect, doesn't mean that every other woman in the world is second place at best. Lots of women can share first place.

Personality. What is the perfect personality to match a certain guy? Is it one where hers compliments his and makes up for the areas he lacks in, and visa versa? Is it one where they agree on nearly everything? Do opposites attract? Each person is different, so any answer I give will not be applicable to all or even most people. The type of personality a guy has needs to be pretty perfect with that woman. If he's an "opposites attract" kind of guy and she's an "agree on nearly everything" kind of woman, do you really think that things are gonna work out between them? In this area, she needs to be perfect for him.

Skills and talents. Some guys like girls that are athletic, musically talented in certain areas, certain senses of humor (a sense of humor to make people laugh is a skill in my book), achievements in life, and other things. A lot of these things are blessings to the woman and to the guy. They improve the quality of life, and help add to her resume of perfection.

Emotional. Most every virtuous guy likes a happy girl. When she's happy, he's happy. When she smiles, she looks more attractive. If she can brighten up your day, she must have a bright outlook on life herself, and guys want to be a part of that. However, the proportions of craziness (in a good way of course), non-craziness, seriousness, emotionalness (it's a made up word that means how much it can take to get her really emotional/worked up about certain things (getting worked up about certain things is good, but not for other things)), (putting things in parenthesis is fun), self-will, zeal, and a lot of other similar things, depends on the guy.

I haven't been too helpful so far, have I? I'm about to change that. I'm gonna substitute the word 'perfect' for 'ideal' right now, so that I can make my point. The ideal woman for a certain guy would seem too good to be true. Inner and outer beauty, stability of mind and emotion, Godly zeal, and the right kind of personality to match that guy; every guy wants those things in general. The ideal woman has all of those to the extreme. The ideal woman would of course not be a perfect human being, but man, she'd be pretty close.

The perfect woman isn't the ideal woman. In fact, the perfect woman isn't perfect. Yes, I just contradicted myself, but it's true. The perfect woman has less to offer than the ideal one. Why would downgrading make her perfect? Because guys love your imperfections as well. We love the fact that you're human, and that you're a real person. I can't really describe it. Sometimes just the way you are is perfect. The fact that you aren't ideal but that you have the potential to become ideal (which means that you're working on becoming that way), helps make you perfect.

There are a lot of perfect woman out there. They're not ideal, but they're trying their best to become that way, and that's one of the reasons why they are perfect. Just because they're trying doesn't necessarily make them perfect. They have to already have some ideal qualities about them. They have to show evidence that they are a Godly woman, that they have great qualities, skills, personality, etc. of course. If they have those qualities, and they're trying to be a better woman, they're probably perfect to someone.

I hate stuff

2006-08-30T21:53:00.001-04:00

So I'm playing chess with Mike Dorothy. In case you don't know, he'll own you in chess. Anywho, we're playing a good game, but then the internet dies. For some random reason, our router has decided that when there's an incoming call, if my dad doesn't pick up after the first ring or so, it'll die. So the internet comes back, and we return to the game. I move a piece (Mike did a good job of making me move a certain piece), and then he checkmates me. Why am I sharing this? Because the last few times I've lost chess, it's because of a random interuption that causes me to lose ON THE VERY NEXT MOVE. I don't lose my queen, I don't get set up to lose, I lose on the next move. My dad's needed to talk to me about something, at the most pivotal move in the game. It was so pivotal because I lost after I moved. I don't even remember what happened the other times, but something took my attention away at the most crucial moment. What are the chances that the last 3 or 4 times I've lost in chess, it's because something distracts me on the very move that causes me to lose? Obviously they're 100%, because it's happened. It's just incredibly frustrating, and stupid.

In other news, the US Open is playing, 2 weeks of tennis awesomeness. I love tennis. Playing is incredibly fun, and watching someone like Roddick or Sharapova is also quite fulfilling. Beef jerky is also quite fulfilling.

I turn 20 in 2 days, and it's kind of scary. I'll no longer be considered a teen, my age will start with the number 2, I'm 1 year away from being able to drink alcohol....wait, that's not scary. What's scary is that I haven't played tennis in a while, and I feel like a drug addict without a fix.

What do I want?

2006-08-11T19:04:00.000-04:00

When I started writing these posts, I was hoping to show women what men think about certain things, so that they could understand us better. I tried to be fair by pointing out the falacies or potential falacies in the way men and women think and act. I tried to propose different scenarios to things, because not every person or situation is the same. I wanted to be fair to the different possibilities when I could be, without listing out every scenario possible, which would just be insane. I hope that my efforts have been beneficial to some. I know that it has sparked some good talks with me and other people so far, which is good.

So what do I want from all this? First of all, I want myself to be like this virtuous guy I've refered to many times before. I then want to "evolve" into a virtuous man. It will take time and effort, but I want to require that of myself. I also want my friends to be like these virtuous guys and men. I do know some great guys who are on the right path to getting a great woman, and I hope that they elevate themselves up to that level of virtuousity and stay keep improving. I hope that any other guys who have read this will try harder, change their lives, and want to become virtuous.

I want all of us men to search for virtuous women, and only settle for the best.

I want all the women who have read my posts to have learned something. I want them to feel assured that there are good men out there, and what a worldly man wants isn't what a virtuous man needs.

I would like people to talk about what they have read on here, whether they agree or disagree. A man and woman may see a subject differently, but that doesn't mean that either side is wrong. What matters is if we can understand why the other person thinks the way they do, and maybe work out a compromise, even if they both have to change themselves a little to do so. If they can't agree, that's fine, but at least they tried and they understand each other better.

I think it would be great if at least one woman could do what I've been doing, and explain certain things from a woman's perspective. Comparing what virtuous and non-virtuous women think and want and need. Pointing out what a lot of women have a problem with, or what they think men don't quite understand. If all this is done from a positive and constructive point of view, I think it would be wonderful.

Men want to know how women think, and what they think about things. We don't need to know how to control your minds, even though that would be really cool. We just want to understand you better. If we all understand each other better, we can avoid problems in the future much easier.

I will probably write more posts as I think of topics or am asked questions. I've said to some of my friends before that by explaining everything that I can about men, I'm either going to help us raise our standards, or doom all men. Ben also said that I should have written a book rather than posting it all online. Oh well, I just hope that this is beneficial to people.

Let's all try to work with each other and try to understand each other. It may require changing something major or minor about yourself, but if other people benefit, isn't that more important?

Thank you everyone who has been reading this.

Play together, stay together

2006-08-08T18:51:00.000-04:00

As I've stated before, men are competitive. It helps us be manly, and we like competing. I know women also like competing, even though it doesn't make them feel manly. Competing is fun, and a lot of guys like women that are at least somewhat competitive. We want to be able to share that competitiveness with you.

You see, when we normally compete with other guys, it's usually for fun, to see who's better, to show off, or some combination of the three. When we're playing and girls are watching and/or participating, we definitely want to show off, but look like we're just having fun, so that it doesn't seem like we're trying too hard. Ok, that's probably nothing new to you.

Now, let's say that there's a guy and a girl who are dating. Most likely, that guy will want to do something competitive with his girlfriend. Competing with her is a way for him to be manly, and to spend time with her. Plus it's a way for her to show interest in something he likes. Also, a woman being competitive/agressive can be attractive, but more importantly, it's a manly way for a guy to spend time with his girl.

This next part is kind of off topic, by does tie in. Have you ever noticed who usually leaves first in a conversation? Is it the guy or the girl? I've noticed that it's usually the girl. Guys in general want to spend as much time as they can with a girl. Of course guys will leave before the girl does if he has something to do, wants to see his other friends, isn't interested in that girl, and for other reasons as well. Of course, just because the guy doesn't leave first doesn't mean that he likes her. He might just be really friendly and not want to leave, or he hasn't seen her for a while and wants to hang out with her again, or some other reason. However, the most common of all these reasons is that the guy wants to spend as much time with her as he can. Maybe he likes her, or kind of likes her, or just likes who she is, so he probably won't be the one to have to say bye first. Note: some guys are experienced at "playing the game", so they'll walk away first, or something like that. Be aware of guys like that.

Under normal circumstances, the guy will want to spend time with you, and being competitive is a great and (in our minds) manly way to do it. I've said before that sports are a good way for male bonding. It can also be a good way for men and women to bond. That competitive/agressive behavior may seem attractive. We like being with you, doing something fun with you.

If you can totally kick our butt in a sport, that will probably be intimidating. If you can give us a run for our money, cool. We're fine with you winning sometimes. Beyond that, it's compromising our manliness. There's nothing wrong with you being really good at a sport, or two, or three, or however many. It's just that we really don't want to lose to a girl. If I'm playing tennis against Maria Sharapova, there's no shame in me losing badly to her. If I'm playing a sport I'm not good at, and she's on the school team, that's understandable. Beyond that, losing to a girl isn't good for us. Sorry, that's just how it is.

Final Banquet

2006-08-07T18:30:00.000-04:00

By now I written so many posts on men that if you haven't started from the beginning, you'll have to go back to the archives. Just thought I'd point that out.

Final Banquet!? What does this have to do with anything? Well, considering that camp just ended, and another Final Banquet has come and gone, I figured that I'd offer some thoughts and perspectives on this anual occasion.

The average guy doesn't spend a lot of time getting himself ready each day. He doesn't have to blowdry his hair, put on makeup, pick an outfit that compliments his hair style, or anything like that. If he knows that he'll be doing a lot of physical activity that day, he'll probably choose to wear some athletic pants. That's usually the extent of how he prepares himself for the day. When it's the Sabbath, or there's Topics and Dance that night, he'll probably spend a little more time on preparing himself. He might put on a dash of cologne or spray himself with some body spray if he feels like it/brought any with him. He may double check that his hair (if he has any) looks good since he won't have sports as an excuse for it not looking normal. He'll also be sure to remember the deodorant too, since he won't have sports as an excuse for him smelling slightly stinky.

When Final Banquet comes, a guy will probably end up smelling like Axe body spray whether he wants to or not. He'll be sure that his hair looks good and he's in his nicest outfit. The guy just wants to look nice and natural. He knows you're gonna spend a while getting yourself ready, so he'll spend a good amount of time (for a guy) getting himself ready too.

So what does the guy think about women getting themselves ready for Final Banquet? Frankly, some women are a little overkill in our opinion. By the time we're ready, you're still working on your hair. Your outfit for Final Banquet, which is most likely pretty extravagant and/or expensive, you probably won't wear many more times. You might not even wear it again! Yeah, we know that you like shopping, but $200-300 or more for a one night occasion where you don't need to be that dressed up is a little too much. Spend that amount for prom. Wear a nice outfit, or buy something you'll wear more than twice. We don't care if you wear the same outfit at the Feast, or at camp next year. Seriously, we would prefer that would wear it again. It'll bring back good memories. When you get back home, wear it on the Sabbath if you wanna get dressed up.

Another thing is the makeup. We don't like a lot of makeup. A little bit is good. If you don't wear any, we're cool with that. Some girls do look better with a little makeup on, and that's fine. When you start looking like a mannequin, that's when we don't like it. Seriously, less is more. We like the natural look. Very rarely does someone with a load of makeup really look attractive to us, and even then, we would prefer that they look natural. I'm going to give a bad example, because there's no real way of explaining it better that I can think of now.

Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition. I warned you, bad example. Here's what a stereotypical girl looks like in that magazine: she's in a swimsuit, by some beach somewhere, laying in different poses. Is her hair all perfect? Nope! It's messy, but it's natural looking. Is she wearing makeup? Maybe not, since she's rolling around on the beach. She'll look more natural without that makeup. Simply put: there's something about that natural look that is attractive. I'm not talking about when you wake up in the morning after a bad night. That's not a really attractive natural look. We'll still find you attractive, but the look won't be. We want that natural and real look. It gets to us. Once again, not every guy thinks this way.

So back to your hair, so that I don't sound like a hypocrite. We don't want your hair to be all natural like when you're at Final Banquet. We want it to look nice. It doesn't have to be all crazy. If it's a normal day, we still want it to look nice. A nice and kind of natural look, if you can pull it off, also looks nice, but the way you usually do it works. When it comes to makeup, we like natural over fake.

We like it when you dress up and look nice. However, you can try too hard to look nice and take away from what you have. Final Banquet is a special occasion, and yes, as men, we don't have to prepare ourselves like women do. We have less to prepare, so we make things simpler. We have no problem with you preparing yourselves more than us, but we don't want you to overdo it. Your outfits don't have to be super expensive, your hair doesn't have to be crazy, and less makeup is better.

What you see isn't always what you get

2006-08-05T17:23:00.000-04:00

Man, silent communication is the worst. I'm talking about the "this is who I am, and you can tell who I am because of how I look, act, etc." sort of communication. Like if I dress up like a skater would, I'm non-verbally telling you that I like skating and/or the skater lifestyle. There are other ways for guys to non-verbally communicate things, and this is where some problems can begin.

Let's say we've got a guy who works out and is in good shape. He's got some defined arms and abs, and his face looks good too. He doesn't have to be crazy muscular, but the right amount of muscle so that he's attractive to you. Ok, before you even meet this guy, there are some things you can know about him. He's dedicated; he has to be in order to be in the shape he's in. He's in fairly good health. The way he looks can symbolize being protective, and if you like that quality in a man, then in that respect, he's appealing to you.

Now let's stand me up next to this guy. I'm not as muscular as him, or a lot of guys as a matter of fact. I don't have defined abs, but I do have decently strong ones. What can you tell from the way I look? I'm not as dedicated as the other guy, and I'm probably not as healthy as he is either. My looks don't symbolize someone who can protect you.

Now it's time to turn your world upside down. First of all, why is the guy in the shape he's in? Is it because he's not that smart, so instead of studying, he works out? Is he just trying to impress women? To me, dedication with the wrong goal pretty much negates that quality. Unless you know the guy, you have no way of knowing why he's in the shape he's in. You don't know if that's the only area of his life that's he dedicated in. If the guy is dedicated in other areas of his life, awesome. If he's dedicated because he just wants to attract women, or he works out to make up for the fact that he's stupid, or some other reason, then you should probably not consider this guy.

Now let's look at me. Laziness + eating whatever I want and as much of it as I want = me looking like I'm not fed. Unless I could afford to buy massive weight gain formula, eat a bunch of food that's supposed to help me gain weight, and had room in my house to put a bench so I could work out, I can't gain weight. Unfortunately, I don't have the money or the room to do those things. I'm not going to look like that guy standing next to me. Because I am physically unable to look like him, you might think that I am not dedicated. You don't know how dedicated I am in other areas of my life. You might not see me as being protective. You can't tell if I'm in better cardiovascular shape than him or not. You might assume that I'm not because I don't work out all the time.

Until you get to know that guy next to me, you have no reason to assume that the reason for him working out is to attract women or any other reason like that. That's fine, but what you see in that guy, or what you think you see in that guy are only educated guesses. What you see in me, or think you see in me, are only educated guesses, and in my situation, are based on a lack of information.

Let's say I see a girl in a tight shirt and shorts. What am I supposed to think of her? What if the first time I see you, you happen to be wearing some physically appealing outfit? You wouldn't want me to judge you on that. If the way you look isn't the way society says women should look, should I think that you aren't healthy, aren't attractive, or whatever? Or should I get to know you first and enjoy "the symbolism of your body" later, after I know the kind of person you are?

Guys like to use actions as a way to tell what kind of person you are. I'm seeing that some women (not sure how many, at least some) use results to tell what kind of person you are. Of course there are times when men and women use both, but this is a general statement. What's my point? If there's some quality you think you see in a guy, prove that it's there first. Guys are going around unintentionally displaying qualities that they may or may not have. We don't always know what sort of ideas we're sending out based on the way we look! You might think we lack a certain quality because you can't see it's effects by the way we look. You might also see more qualities in us than there are. If you get the wrong impression of us, sorry, we don't mean it. If we don't know that you're looking for the results of qualities based on how we look, then we'll keep sending you the wrong message without knowing it!

Does my body lack protective symbolism? Yeah. Doesn't mean I'm not protective, or that I'm not dedicated. I have special circumstances, and I can't do anything about them. Don't penalize me because I don't look a certain way. There are so many different factors in involved in different situations that half the time, the way a person looks might not mean anything, or it could mean a bunch of things. Give me (and other guys of course) a chance to prove who we are, based on who we are, not on the "results" of qualities you think we may or may not have.

I don't think this is too big of a problem. Then again, I could be way off. At the very least, it's a potential problem which can easily be solved, and make life in the universe much easier.

Can't we all just get along?

2006-08-01T16:08:00.000-04:00

I feel like ranting about this topic right now (actually it's kind of 2 topics in 1), and it will lead into the next section of posts, so here I go. If a woman likes a guy, and she wants him to know, sometimes she'll give signs or signals. And women think that men are stupid because we don't pick up on them. Let me explain why men don't pick up on them usually.

First of all, there is no standard as to what is or isn't a sign. Let's take 2 girls for example. One is a really friendly girl, who may or may not be flirty by nature. Then there's another girl who isn't really friendly or flirty, but she's still nice. The normal things a friendly girl does might be the things the other girl would use to show the guy that she likes him.

You're probably thinking "Well if the non-flirty girl is acting flirty, she likes him, duh!" Well, what if she might seem that way because she's more comfortable around the guy? She's open and comfortable with him, but that doesn't mean she likes him. The guy might be reading into what she does. And what about the flirty/friendly girl? What does she do to show the guy that she likes him? Does she have to be crazy flirty with him? Does she do other things, which might be normal for other people, to show that she likes a guy?

This is the part where you say that it's the guy who's supposed to ask the girl out and all that, so we shouldn't be pointing the finger at you because we don't understand your signs. Before asking a girl out, we would like to know if you like us, which is why you give a sign in the first place. It's a vicious circle, and there are 2 things I'd like to explain now.

First of all, why we don't like asking a girl out if we don't know if she likes us or not. Getting shot down is not fun. It feels really awkward to be like "I like you....oh you don't like me. Ok...ummmm...awkward silence....ummmm...yeah...I'm gonna leave now because I feel kind of embarassed, bye." Asking a girl out is the man's "responsibility". When we do ask a girl out, we are putting our manliness at risk. By saying no, you are saying no to who we are as a person. Our manliness helps define who we are, and you are saying no to our manliness. Yes, there are other factors involved, but beneath all of them, the fact still remains that we risk our manliness and our whole being when we ask you out. We don't want to take a risk like that unless we think that we will succeed. Whether we deluded ourselves into thinking we have a chance or not isn't the point. We want to see signs that you do like us, that you are interested. We want you to give us the green light, or maybe an off-green light, so that we feel confident in taking the risk.

The second reason is something I'm gonna spend some time talking about in future posts; communication. Most relationship problems I hear about with people are caused in part by communication problems. How people communicated, and the other person's expectations of communication. I will give 2 examples of men and women communicating (once again, this is a blanket statement).

I spent a few days up at Sharon's condo, it was a couple of hours before sunset, and it was the last night I was staying there. We had nothing to do, so I thought it would be nice if Sharon, her sister, and I all went for a walk on the beach, which we had not done yet. When a guy wants to go for a walk on the beach, he'll say "Let's go for a walk on the beach" or "Do you want to go for a walk on the beach?" Quick and simple. There's no alternate meaning to what he said. He wants to go for a walk on the beach.

A woman will say something like "The beach looks nice." Here's where the communication problems begin. The guy is expecting the woman to say what she means, since that's how the guy thinks. If she wants to go for a walk, he expects her to say that she wants to go for a walk. Instead, she makes an ambiguous statement. If she says "The beach looks nice", she might just be saying that it looks nice out there, or she might mean that she wants to go for a walk out there, or go swim in the ocean. So now the guy has to ask her what, if anything, she'd like to do out there. Here comes the fun part; if we haven't figured out what she'd like to do now (based on her completely ambiguous statement), she might not want to go outside now. Or she'll really want to go outside, and say that she doesn't. She might be nice and just tell us what she'd like to do. Yes, it's frustrating.

Example 2: I spent 2 weeks at my mom's house, and one morning, she asked if I'd like to go for a ride with her. She has a 2000 and something Toyota Solara. It's a nice car, and I've driven it before. She said "go for a ride" which means riding in the passenger seat, not driving (at least in my crazy world, that's what it means). I decline. She gets back later, and says that she's surprised that I didn't go with her. She would have let me drive! She says that just because she asked if I wanted to go for a ride didn't mean that she wouldn't let me drive on the way back. Because I interpreted what she said to mean what it meant (go for a ride means go for a ride, not drive), I missed out. A guy in her situation would have said "Do you want to drive?" If he says "Do you want to go for a ride?", and I say no, he'll follow up by saying "I'll let you drive on the way back."

A guy expects someone to say what they mean. We don't want to look for hidden meanings behind things, or alternate possibilities to what you said. We have an expection for men and women to say something and mean it, period. So when you say something and alude to something else, we're not gonna catch on because we're expecting you to say what you mean.

So now I head back to the beginning of this long post; women giving signs. Guys aren't looking out for hidden or alternate meanings to things. We're looking for simple stuff. There's no standard as to what is or isn't a sign, and men read into things pretty often (sometimes because we're hopeful, sometimes we misinterpret something you say or do), so it's hard to know for sure what is or isn't a sign.

I think men should try harder to look for what a woman means when she says something ambiguous, or slightly ambiguous. Help us out if you can, we'd really appreciate it. Also, I think women should make more of an effort to say what they mean. It'll cut down on the confusion. I think this is a fair compromise. No one will do it, but I still think people should do it.

Communication is still the topic next time, so I'll catch you all then.

We are manly men

2006-07-31T19:13:00.001-04:00

We don't like being called boys. Being called a boy is beyond just a pet peeve. It's an insult. You are insulting our manliness. We aren't boys. Boys are people that haven't reached puberty yet. Around the time they reach puberty, they transition into becoming a guy. Guy-ness is officially established around 15 or 16, although some establish themselves earlier. At age 18, we are legally men, but we still have to establish our manliness (college, job, responsibility, stuff like that). Around our early to mid-twenties, we officially become men, although some become men earlier. Until then, we are guys, or young men, both are acceptable. Just because we haven't had a chance to prove our manliness in high school doesn't mean we are boys. We don't graduate from boys to men. We stay as guys until we become men.

In fact, we like being guys. We get the best of both worlds. We can be REALLY immature like boys, and we can have intellectual talks like men. We can be responsible and irresponsible. If we don't have our life planned out by the time we graduate high school, don't call us boys. Give us some time to figure out what we want to do at college. Let us make ourselves into something. Look at our potential and see the person we're trying to become.

Do you want a guy who can keep you secure? If so, how do you know if he'll be able to do that? How can he prove that when he's in high school? He can't. There are qualities that you want in a guy that we can't prove until we're older. You'll have to see our potential first, based on other qualities we have or don't have.

We like being guys, we like being manly, but we know we aren't men right now. We're guys, preparing to become men, waiting to prove ourselves. We can't always just go out there and get in situations to prove who we are. Just because you don't see a quality in us doesn't mean we don't have it. Just because we don't have it now doesn't mean we aren't trying, or that we won't have it later.

We don't want to be insulted because we're not men yet. It takes time to become a man, and to prove that we're men. Call us guys, call us young men, but not boys. You might not mean to insult us by calling us boys, but please do us a favor, and say guys or young men instead. Unless, of course, you want to call us men, which we have no problem with.

We act like manly men, manly men, HUH!

2006-07-30T20:14:00.000-04:00

Alert, alert! Keep your eyes open for blanket statements about people, and keep your mind open to what I have to say.

That's right, we're men. Guys. Males. We like it. We like our steaks big and our cars fast. It's in our genes to watch and/or play sports. An attractive woman is almost always worth our time. These are some obvious examples of "manly" things. How is an attractive woman a "manly" thing? I'll get to that shortly.

Unless we're on a diet, we don't have money, or somehow aren't that hungry, we like steaks; man-sized steaks. I'm not talking about a dainty 8 ounce filet mignon, I'm talking about a 16 ounce pourterhouse or 12 ounce rib-eye. If it weren't for vegetables, that steak could/should be our entire meal. Vegetables are weak; meat is manly.

Certain cars can steal a man's attention away from a woman. He may know more about a car than he knows about you. It's scary, but exotic and fast cars speak to the inner man in a way that most women can't. A woman can say no if you ask her out on a date, but an Enzo Ferarri won't say no to going from 0-60 in a few seconds. Cars like that are kind of like an external replacement to a weightlifter's body. What's manlier than reving up a powerful engine and leaving everyone in your dust inside of a car with more curves than most of the women you know? That's right, there really isn't anything manlier than that.

Most guys love watching and/or playing sports. In case you haven't noticed, guys are competitive. We see who's stronger, who can throw a football further, who's got the biggest muscles, who can eat their food faster, who can keep their eyes open the longest without blinking, etc. We usually don't care how stupid the competition may be; it's a competition, and we're usually competitive by nature. Sports are all about competition and showing off your skill, and sometimes about having fun. Sports are also a good way for male bonding by the way.

When a guy is with an attractive woman, it makes him feel manly. It's proportional; the more attractive of a woman he's with, the manlier he feels and appears to other guys. It's like an unwritten law. Of course other factors come into play which can increase or decrease how manly he appears, but the point is that woman make men feel manly, and the more womanly she is, the manlier he feels.

These are things that virtuous and non-virtuous men feel. Like I said before, there are other ways that allow men to feel manlier, these are just some common examples. What sets the virtuous men aside from the non-virtuous men is that the virtuous guys aren't as simple when it comes to women. Remember how I said that other factors come into play when a guy is with an attractive girl? Those other factors play a big role. Being married to a sweet, innocent girl will make us feel truly manlier. An intellectual and funny girl will give us more joy than a nice looking girl. True manliness is being married to a virtuous woman, not a super model (although we wouldn't mind if that virtuous girl was a super model).

Men like being men, and we want it to stay that way. Whether it's superficial or real, there are many ways for us to feel and show our manliness. Virtuous men do enjoy the superficial feeling of manliness, but what they really want is that feeling of true manliness; cruising down the road in their Ferarri with their beautiful virtuous woman beside them as they head out to a steak house after finishing watching a football game. If they can't do that, they'll settle for a virtuous woman and a good steak (or in my case, some really good Italian food).

Us and Them All Over Again

2006-07-15T17:56:00.000-04:00

And the winner is...some other guy. We've heard the saying that nice guys finish last. Unfortunately, it's not far from the truth. Virtuous guys are nice guys. They're sweet, caring, compassionate, friendly, helpful, all of that good stuff. Whether they are just friends or in a relationship, they will be there for you. They will help if they can, and they really do care about you. These are qualities you want in a guy, whether a friend or a boyfriend, right? So how come virtuous guys don't get the girl, or at least not right away? How come everyone else but the virtuous guy has some girl showing interest in him? I'm not talking about the 22 year old virtuous guy, I'm talking about the teenage virtuous guy.

The teenage virtuous guy doesn't get into a relationship; he doesn't want one yet. He wants things to be just right before dating the right girl. That's why he waits until he's about 22 or older (there are exceptions of course). He still has to go through college first, get a job, council for baptism, all of that good stuff. He wants to be moving in the right direction so he can take that virtuous babe along with him. Most virtuous guys don't live near that virtuous girl, and might choose to move near her before dating.

The teenage virtuous guy is waiting before he makes his move. He's preparing himself, but in the mean time, he's doing the best he can. He can't prove he'll be that great protector and provider while he's still in high school. He might not have his exact career nailed down until his later years in college. Until that time, the virtuous guy does the best he can. He acts like a virtuous man, treats you as an important friend, and only does good things for you.

So how come these great guys, who plan on becoming greater, are looked over and ignored? Women don't show much interest in these guys. As far as the virtuous guy can tell, no girl is interested in him. A few girls may have had a crush on him for a month, and then get over it. Big deal. The virtuous guy doesn't want to date anyone, but it helps to know that he's doing the right things and that women are noticing.

"He deserves a great woman." Is that code talk for "Go find some other great woman"? Obviously there are only going to be a certain amount of girls that will like a guy, but for the virtuous guy, he knows of little to no girls that like him (once again, there are exceptions). What is the virtuous guy doing that is wrong? As far as he can tell, nothing.

And what does the virtuous guy see? Unvirtuous guys who have virtuous or unvirtuous girlfriends. Unvirtuous and virtuous girls going after these unvirtuous guys. What is he supposed to think? "Wow, this being a great guy stuff really doesn't work. I should start dressing and acting like a jerk. I should create some problems in my life. I should become known for creating useless drama in everyone else's lives. Maybe then girls will be interested in me."

I've explained one of the reasons why guys go for the unvirtuous woman: she's attractive. That's easy to understand. But why do virtuous and unvirtuous women choose that contaminated bottle of water (think back to camp)? Why is the pure water passed up? I've only heard one good answer so far (which I won't tell you, maybe), but it still isn't enough for me.

Why do nice guys finish last? Why do we have to wait for some women to choose the contaminated water before realizing that it tastes horrible? Guys do the same thing too, but I've already given one good reason why.

Why doesn't this post really apply to the 22 year old virtuous guy? Because by then the woman has probably realized that he's the type of guy she wants. By then they see where the guy is going in his life, and she wants to go with him. The nice guy finishes last, but he still finishes.

Nice guys want to know why they are overlooked. They want to know why you would settle for anything less than the best. They want to know what unpure water has that pure water doesn't (besides nasty impurities). They also want to know that even though you may not like them, that they are doing the right things. "You deserve a great girl" doesn't always cut it.

Did my examples represent every situation or line of thinking? No. I just picked a common situation and line of thinking and went with it. My point wasn't to show every situation, but to show how virtuous men think, which was best explained using a common example.

If anyone has some insight into why virtuous and non-virtuous women go for the impure water, it would be mucho appreciated.

Us and Them...The Legend Continues

2006-07-14T22:39:00.000-04:00

Welcome back boys and girls. Yes, this is a second blog in one day. I've got more on my mind this time. This is kind of a continuation of what I've been talking about. What kind of girl does a virtuous guy want? How does he meet her? Here's part of the virtuous man's playbook.

Everyone's at camp. You're a cute girl and a Mr. Virtuous has never met you before. He might say hi to you, or join a group that you're in and meet you that way. Maybe his friends will introduce you to each other. Most likely, the guy will try to meet you without the help of others. You're cute, why wouldn't he want to say hi?

He'll get to know what kind of person you are. He'll pay attention to the people you hang out with, the reputation you have, the clothes you wear (certain types of girls usually wear certain types of clothes). He'll pay attention to the things you say and what you talk about. There are other things he'll pay attention to, these are just some of them. He wants to know that you are a good girl. What do virtuous guys like? Innocence. Innocence is really attractive. A sweet, cute, innocent girl is a slice of heaven. A guy can generally determine your innocence based on the things I listed in this paragraph, and other things of course. What sort of clothes do innocent girls wear? What sort of things do they talk about? What sort of people do they hang out with?

On April 9, 2006, Josh Kerr wrote an excellent blog about women. He talked about how the way you look can be more attractive than a beautiful woman walking down the street. She's temporary, fake, untrue, and not innocent. You however, should be true and innocent. It is that truth and innocence that gets us. Those are the sort of things that wow us over. We might not always remember to list it as a quality we like in a woman, but it's powerful and beautiful.

Being cute might get things started, but being a good innocent girl can really get things rolling. The innocent girl will beat an attractive every time. If you're cute and I get to know you, and find out that you really aren't that innocent, that you aren't pure, that you aren't a good person, then you are just a waste of good looks to us. It won't matter how attractive you are. Good looks are an incentive for us to meet you sometimes, but they will not buy you friendship with us.

You may have noticed that I keep using the word "cute". What about the really beautiful girls, or the normal looking ones? We still talk to the normal looking girls, sometimes we see the way they act at camp, or see the kind of things they talked about on the youth forum. We want to meet you. Sometimes we think you're more attractive than everyone else does, but like I previously said, being cute gives us an incentive to want to talk to you. The really beautiful girls aren't always what we're looking for. Some of us would prefer that you're cute rather than gorgeous. You don't need to keep trying to look extra beautiful; we like you the way you are.

Virtuous guys are allowed to choose the really beautiful and innocent girls over the cute and innocent girls if they like. Some of us, however, would pick the cute ones over the really beautiful ones, and be just as happy.

There you have it; more insight into virtuous men, with more to come.

Us and Them Part 2

2006-07-14T14:29:00.000-04:00

This is going to be a fun post. I'm not sure how I'm gonna pull it off or if I'll be able to explain it correctly. I might need some help from my fellow man.

Ok, let's recap a little: last time I explained that virtuous men, who do exist, are not like worldly men. These guys really love you for who you are, not what you look like. If you're attractive, that helps, but it's not mandatory. You probably know some of these guys. Why are there so few of these guys around? Are they a genetic mutation, the result of an experiment? Is it just an act; all men are the same, but some just act better than others? Here is the truth.

Guys think about girls...a lot. That's not too surprising. Women know that guys go for attractive women (reminder: that was a general statement). Ben's comment summed it up pretty well; women put more of an emphasis on their looks, show off more of their body, so they can be recognized by guys. It's the guy who usually hits on the girl because he's more interested in getting together with her. It's a shallow world. Why is that?

It's the way God designed men. I sometimes question why He designed us this way, but He knew what He was doing. I'll try to give you an example of what it's like being a guy.

There's probably been at least one time in your life when you've had a guy or guys on your mind. Usually it's voluntary; you decided to have guys on your mind. Have you ever had a time when guys were involuntarily on your mind? That's what it's like for guys...EVERY SINGLE DAY. We aren't constantly thinking about girls, but we could. We don't always want to, but it happens.

We might be doing some homework. Our mind gets bored while doing a math problem...BAM, some internal switch turns on, and we're in the mood to think about girls. We're walking down the street, or we're walking to class, and every other girl is someone we want to lust after. She's hot, why would I not want to see what she's wearing today? Simply put, men are ready to lust. If we're not lusting, we're probably waiting for an opportunity to.

Sometimes we get a day off and it's not a problem for us. Girls don't really cross our mind that day, and everything is good in the universe. Other days, it's the opposite. Right now I'm hungry, so my mind is telling me to think about food. Later today, my mind might suggest that I think about girls without any provocation.

Yeah, not quite what you expected to hear. It's a secret struggle that basically every guy has to go through. It's the great male pasttime. It effects the jerks who treat women like objects, the men who design advertisements so that they appeal to men, and even the virtuous guys. The difference is that the virtuous guys have "trained" themselves to not give in to those lusts. If they did give in to those lusts, they would going after the attractive girls with low morals. Instead, they deny the self, and search after the truly beautiful women; the spiritual and intellectual knockouts.

At any time they can and do stumble. They aren't perfect; they have to keep their guard up every day. We have to keep our guard up against physically beautiful women like you. You are a double-edged sword. You might not mean to, but you can be a stumbling block. Consider your wardrobe next time.

1 Corinthians 8 talks about food offered to idols. Paul explains that an idol is nothing, so it should not matter if food is offered to idols. However, some people were weak, and their conscience wouldn't allow them to eat food offered to idols. Verse 9 says how your clear conscience can be a stumbling block to the weak. You may have a clear conscience wearing that pair of shorts, but for guys, it may be a stumbling block. In verses 12-13, Paul gives his answers for what you should do, and why you should do it. "But when you thus sin against the brethren, and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never again eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble."

Don't go throwing out half of your wardrobe, but keep in mind what Paul said. If you cause one of your brethren to stumble, even if it's unintentional, you sin against Christ. If we take care of the poor, we are also doing it towards Christ. If we cause someone to sin, we are doing it towards Christ.

You're still beautiful, whether you're wearing shorts or long pants. You are doing every guy a real favor by not putting a stumbling block in his way. Virtuous men are trying to avoid that stumbling block, even if it's out there. However, we would appreciate it if it wasn't there. This isn't a point I had planned on making, but it's still one that should be pointed out. Go out there and be beautiful, but remember the effect you can unintentionally have on guys.

Virtuous guys aren't like worldly guys because they try not to give in to their lusts. That is why you don't see many of them, because they have to change themselves.

I will stop now before this gets any longer. There is still more for me write, and hopefully next time it won't be as long.

Us and Them Part 1

2006-07-13T14:52:00.000-04:00

I know the truth; the truth about men. I know what we think about, why we think about those things, and how often we think about them. I know what makes us tick. I'm here to share it with you all. When I say "you all", I'm refering to women mainly. There are some things about guys that I think you should know. Obviously I can't explain every single thing, but I'll try to talk about the things that most women know about but might not understand, or the things that cause problems. Why am I doing this? Is it because I'm a nice guy? Well, yes, I am. However, the real reason is that I recently had some talks with, yep, you guessed it, women. And while the thoughts of one or a few women don't necessarily represent those of every woman, they obviously represent the thoughts of some. I hope that my next few blogs can clear some things up.

Note: When I say men or women, I'm obviously not speaking for every man or woman. It's a general statement.

I'm gonna start by diving into a big topic; attraction. Let's use Catherine Zeta-Jones as our example. She's beautiful. Michael Douglas is one lucky guy to be married to her. A lot of guys would want to be married to someone that looks like her. Can you blame them? No, you can't, because women also want to be married to an attractive person. Maybe they don't want to be married to some Brad Pitt look-alike, but physical attraction to the guy doesn't hurt. What I'm about to tell you may be shocking to you, so I'll start a new paragraph to explain it.

Not every guy cares about marrying some super gorgeous woman. Read that statement again. I know, it's shocking! These guys that I'm refering to care much more about who that woman is than what she looks like. If she has all the qualities he wants in a woman, but she isn't attractive, she's still the woman of his dreams! If she's cute, great, he'll be more than happy that she's perfect and that she's cute. Her appearance is only an added bonus. It had little or nothing to do with why he liked her.

Who are these guys!? What planet are they from, and when can you get a ride there? These guys exist here on Earth. They are not some other species. In fact, you probably know some of them. These are the virtuous guys you know from camp or the youth forum. Some of these guys were leaders in their dorms and gave speeches at camp. They came back as staff or counselors so they could see their friends and help set a good example. They asked good questions and had good answers on the youth forum. Maybe you weren't good friends with them, but you still trusted them. You couldn't say anything bad about them. I am good friends with people like this. I don't know all of these types of guys, but I know they are out there. They are looking for virtuous women. Just because a girl is really attractive does not mean that they like her or are interested in her. These truly good men will always choose an unatractive virtuous woman over a beautiful woman with some ok qualities.

Next time I plan on showing how the non-virtuous man thinks about these things and why there aren't many of these virtuous men out there. It will take a little while for everything to fit together, but be patient. I hope that my insights can help women better understand men, see that not all men are the same, and that we aren't as different from women as everyone else would like you to believe. Yes, men and women are different, that's why we're men and women! However, we're not a different species.

I hope this first installment has been helpful. Let me know what you think of it so far.

Hey guys, check this out!

2006-04-30T15:33:00.000-04:00

2 Corinthians 13:12 tells us "Greet one another with a holy kiss." Now here's the cool part. 1 Corinthians 3:1 says "And I, brothers (can also be brethren), could not speak to you as to spiritual ones, but as to fleshly, as to babes in Christ." Guys, we have Biblical permission, a command, to kiss women in the church, the "babes in Christ", when we see them. Just be careful, it can only be a holy kiss, but it's a kiss nevertheless.

Any of you who feel like obeying the word of God, go right ahead.

Disclaimer: Do not take what I just said seriously. It was meant to be a joke (a bad joke, but one nevertheless).

A night to be MUCH remembered

2006-04-13T23:31:00.000-04:00

So last night my dad and I are driving down to Ft. Lauderdale for the night to be much observed/remembered. Usually we only drive half way and carpool with the Matthews, but couldn't do that last night. For a while now, the car drive has been shakier than usual, but nothing to be concerned about. Also, the car was really pulling to the right, so the steering wheel had to be turned to 10 o'clock for us to drive straight. Anywho, as we're driving, the car starts vibrating a little more than usual. If my dad takes his foot off the gas, it gets worse. The vibrating keeps getting worse and worse, until about 10 or so miles away from where we need to be, the car is really shaking, but we have nowhere to pull over. Finally we find a spot, and my dad slows the car to pull over. As soon as he does that, the front right tire blows. It was only a hand-sized piece of tire that came off, and it was only the top rubber part, so we didn't swerve. I also think God played a hand in that. My dad's changing the tire, and I'm trying to figure out why there's a ton of fluid over the engine, the battery, etc. With the new tire on, the ride is much smoother, and we don't pull the the right nearly as much. We get to where we need to be a few minutes before sundown, and have a great night. I had a ton of steak (filet mignon), potatoes, green beans, more steak, vanilla ice cream, unleavened cheese cake with chocolate on it, and some hot chocolate! It was a feast fit for a king and a priest.

We're driving back home, and half way back the transmition slips into neutral, then back into drive. We pull over, and find more stuff sprayed over the engine and the inside of the hood. It's transmission fluid, and one of the hoses, which has apparently acted up before, has a split in it. We cut it below the split, and put it back on, but we still lost a ton of fluid. We've got about a quart left, when we should have about 4 or so quarts. My dad has about half a quart or so left in the trunk, which MIGHT be enough to get us to the next exit and to a gas station. A guy stops to help, which was nice. Thankfully we did make it to the station, he even provided directions. My dad bought the last 3 quarts of transmission fluid they had left! We got home safely at 2:45. Definitely a night I won't forget.

I am pathetic

2006-03-30T18:23:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted in forever because there hasn't been much to post about, or I haven't had much of a chance to. Now that our wireless router is actually working, I have time to post. I told a few people recently that I've just really pathetic the past week, and Gina said that I should post about it. So I am.

I go through an emotional rollercoaster every once in a while. Just some random chemical imbalance I guess. Last week I had another one. I could feel it coming for a couple weeks before it happened. On Friday night, even though I was talking to my friends, and trying to listen to some good music on the Sabbath, I just felt really lonely and unfulfilled. The feeling wasn't directed to someone else, like they had made me feel that way, and it wasn't specifically directed at myself. I guess the simplest way to describe it is that I felt like I wanted a girlfriend, someone to love me. No, I'm not asking anyone reading this to be my girlfriend (I'm also not-not asking anyone reading this to be my girlfriend), but love from someone else is something I didn't have a lot of my whole life, and at this point in my life, it's showing now more than ever.

That is only a part of the problem. It's also been my fault for not spending the time I should have spent studying my Bible, praying, that sort of thing. I've deprived myself of the greatest love of all, God's love. His love is greater than and more important than the love of any person, and yet in order to feel more like a person, I feel like I need a person's love. Since I know that won't happen for a good while, I'm not going to worry about it, since I can't do anything about it. I can work on my relationship with God, which is more important, and which I do have control over. I'm trying to keep working out more, so that my physique doesn't look pathetic. I'm going to keep my facial hair so that I don't look like I'm 16, which is pretty pathetic. Random chemical imbalances I have no control over. It'll be a while before I stop feeling pathetic, which is also another reason why I'm pathetic.

I've somewhat expressed my patheticness in words. There's more, but it's not worth writing about. Hopefully I'll come up with a less pathetic topic for my next post. I try my best to make other people feel special, and yet I can't even feel good about myself. At least I've got a head start in humility.

More important posts coming soon, I hope.

Enjoy...maybe

2006-03-24T16:40:00.000-05:00

Yes, I know it's been forever since I've posted. We only got a wireless router recently so that I can go online. The first one we got would disconnect constantly, so I couldn't post then. I'll come up with something to post pretty soon...hopefully.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=frenchistheman

To view the results...
http://kevan.org/johari?view=frenchistheman

"C" is for Crazy Foolishness

2005-12-17T02:04:00.000-05:00

School is out, and it feels good to not have to do work every day. To be honest though, I'm actually missing college. My friends, playing tennis every day, all the food I want, the campus, having stuff to do with my time, actually learning stuff. Yeah, somewhat wanting work is pathetic, I know. Just so you don't get the wrong impression, I am glad to be back home. There's nothing like home-cooked food. You are so much more thankful to have home-cooked meals when you go without them for a while. Plus I get to see my dad, my cat, I can watch some of the shows I've missed, I have my own room, and my own shower.

Now for the moment you've all been waiting for, my thought(s) of the night. My thought occured last night after playing tennis with my dad. It was going well at first. Then what usually happens, happened. Out of nowhere, something happens in my mind, and there is no fluency between thought and action. It's almost like my mind is not focused, even though I'm completely devoted and focused to the game. Changing how I play, my mindset, nothing works. It goes off and on, and I've gotten to the point where I can tell whether I'll actually do what my mind tells my body to do, or not. Anywho, it's random, out of my control, and the result is that I lose. Yeah, I have gotten a lot better at tennis, but I can still lose just as well. Until I can prove that I can win more, I can't say that I've really improved that much.

That sort of thinking reminded me of my life. I should do better than what I'm doing, but I'm not, and usually I can blame random things out of my control as the main reason why. I've improved in my life, but my life still isn't successful yet, so I can't say that I've really achieved and improved. So then I applied the same line of thinking to my spiritual life. The difference is that random things don't control my spiritual life, I do. Yet somehow the results are the same. I improve as a person, learn more of the Bible, see how to apply it, yet I make the same mistakes, or the same ammount of mistakes. Did I really improve? If I have no evidence to show success in my spiritual life, the answer must be no.

That's a scary thought. I hate how in my life I can't control what's going on around me. I had wanted more control over my physical life, but I guess that if I had more control, the results wouldn't really be that much different. I think that in order for God to give me control over my physical life, I should learn to conquer my spiritual life better. And actually, I should have Christ conquer me. That's the first step. I need to control the part of my life that I actually can control. Why would God give me control over other parts of my life if I can't control the parts that I should?

Now I pose my question of the night for you all, keeping in mind what I said earlier: Over the past year, with all the stuff you've learned and done, have you really improved as a Christian? Do you still make the same mistakes, or the same ammount of big mistakes? I can tell you all right now that I have grown more in the last year than previous years. Yet with all that I've learned, I'm still coming up short, still not really improving. I think my spiritual life inched forward a little bit. Yeah, I moved forward, slightly, but that's not what someone does if they run a race with endurance.

Really look at yourselves, compare your spiritual successes and failures to those of a year ago, and honestly answer yourself if you've really improved or not. If the answer is no, get your act in gear! My slogan of the week is that God chooses those who choose God. Are you choosing God? If you are, or you want to, then a year from now, you should be able to say that you truly improved. It may not be by leaps and bounds, but a step in the right direction is still a step in the right direction.

That's all for tonight. Be honest with yourselves, be honest with God, and keep choosing God in all that you do.

Is there a reason?

2005-11-18T19:46:00.000-05:00

I know, I haven't posted on here for a little while. I ran out of my thoughts of the week, and there was nothing worth posting. Now I bring thee news, kind of. This past Sabbath I was over at Gina's, and you can read her blog to find out what happened. It was crazy, in a very good way. I did a decent amount of work this week, and actually think I did really well on 2 quizes that I had to take the same day. I've got a ton of work due Monday, no idea how I'll get it all done. So much for getting caught up on sleep, again!

Now onto my thought of the week. It's different than the others. The others were explanations of how I was seeing the world around me. This one's an explanation of my world, my thinking. I titled this post "Is there a reason?" because there is a reason I posted what I did before. It wasn't just to show what I thought of the world, but to also look at the attitudes that people have when they do things. I'll start off by explaining what I mean when I say attitude.

For lack of a better word (since I can't think of one, and I don't know if there's a better one), that's the word I'm going to use. Attitude seems to have the connotation of being negative. You usually hear that word when someone says that you have a "bad attitude". It describes someone's emotions at a certain time. However, with that description, it doesn't quite convey what I mean. The word mindset doesn't quite work either. Mindset is someone's focus, their reasoning. If you combine mindset and attitude, you see what someone's trying to achieve, and why. That's the explanation I'm going to assign to the word attitude right now.

One of the things I pointed out in my topics from September 3 onward was the concept of attitude. I said that I didn't want to sound like I was preaching at times. I questioned whether people talk to others online to tell the other person how good their week was, or to actually listen to what the other person has to say, and see how they're doing. Are we talking to someone to tell them the worldly things we did that week, or to talk about Godly things? I explained my attitude about talking to people online: what my "test" was trying to achieve, and why. I talked about the attitude people have talking to someone on a cell phone all the time when they go to their next class.

The concept of attitude has fascinated me lately, since it explains why people do stuff. I'll start off with a simple example: Why do we talk online? One might say that we want to stay in contact with others, see how they're doing, ask and answer questions, that sort of thing. However, that describes only half of the reason why. When we apply the definition of attitude that I'm using, we see that the emotional aspects haven't been talked about. The emotional aspect leads to questions like: What emotions do we have when they're online? Our we selfish, empathetic, seeking after knowledge, gossiping? Do we look forward to when the other person talks about their week, and makes you wait to talk about your's? If you hear that they didn't have a good week, do you forget about talking about your week altogether, and try and comfort the other person? We can say "sure, I do that, if they've had a bad week. What's your point?" Well, this was just a mirror of a larger example.

Why are we Christians? Are we doing this because our parents brought us up like this? Are we doing it because the Bible said so? Because we can see prophesy unfolding, and the benefits of following God? We would probably say that God called us, we've proved the things in the Bible to ourselves time and time again, we see prophesy unfolding, and it's a matter of life and death, and you want life. That's a good answer, but it doesn't fulfill the concept of attitude. Add in emotion, and the questions become different. Do you enjoy following God? Are we doing this to save ourselves, or because we love God so much we want to obey Him? Are we practicing the fruits of the Spirit because we're told to, or want to? Do we want love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control? God cares about the emotions we have and the reasons we have them. What are the weightier matters of the law? Justice, mercy, and faith. Those are emotional aspects.

We have the example of the woman washing Christ's feet with her hair, and people asking Christ to heal someone out of faith. It doesn't say if some of those people kept the Sabbath and whatnot. Some of them didn't, but Christ admonished them because their "heart was in the right place." They had the right attitude. They did things out of love and faith, and it wasn't so that they could get into the Kingdom, but because they trusted and/or loved Christ. If you don't think I've proved my point well enough, that's fine, I don't want to make a sermon out of this. If you believe me, great; evaluate your life and really ask yourself why you're doing things. I started asking myself whether I was in college to learn or get grades that are supposed to be proportional to what you've learned. I wanted to do the former, and ended up doing the latter. Now that I'm actually learning for the sake of learning, it's making college easier for me. I still have a ton of work, but I see it as a good thing.

If you don't believe me that attitudes are that important, then at least I've hopefully stirred up some questions in your mind, and you'll investigate. We should follow God because we want to, not because we have to, or want to have eternal life. Do we want to give God our love and obedience, or try to get eternal life from Him?

If you plan on evaluating yourself and your attitude, you have to ask God to give you the ability to see yourself for who you really are, and that God gives you the proper attitude as you evaluate yourself. You can't change your attitude to show your love to God without involving Him. Ask that He show your friends and family the proper attitudes they should have in life. By truly wanting God to help them that way shows Him how much you have your mind centered on giving and not getting. That's the attitude God wants His children to have.

I'll leave you with one final example which is kind of related. Malachi 3:8 says "Will a man rob God? Yet you have robbed Me! But you will say, 'In what way have we robbed You?' In tithes and offerings." We use that scripture to show people that we need to tithe. What about the offerings? We give them during the Holy Days. Yeah, because we're commanded to. What about giving an offering because God blessed us with something, or delivered us from a trial? We'd be giving an offering because we want to, not because we have to. That's real love. I have yet to do this (since this idea came to me about 2 weeks ago), but I plan to.

This has been quite a long post, and I probably seem like I'm preaching again. I'm just sharing my opinions on things, and at worst, if I'm right, and people listen, I've helped their lives. I feel that if I'm right, I should share this with my friends. If you feel that there are some good points from what I've said, then apply those in your lives, or keep applying them. I honestly want you to tell me via reply or instant message how you feel about this and the other things I wrote, because if you think I'm going off the deep end, I'd like you to save me. If I'm actually helping you, then that makes me feel better because I don't feel like I'm preaching.

I don't know if I can come up with any more posts for now. I've reached writer's block, which may be a good thing for the reader. I'm sorry if some parts might not have sounded coherent, or if I didn't flow too well in certain areas. I wrote this in one sitting, while I was "in the mood", and that's when you speak most truthfully. Everyone, I love you all, I hope I didn't offend once again. Please, be honest with me, and honest with yourselves. Take care, fear God, and keep His commandments.

Guess what!?

2005-11-08T00:42:00.000-05:00

So tonight I get ready to watch the Colts and Patriots game. The Colts dominated, it was great. Anywho, I go and get a Mr. Pibb from the soda machine. I take off the cap. I look at what it says. I won a free 1 liter soda! Can you believe it! The curse has ended! Yes! Best day of my life! Well, probably not, but I was still really happy. Now you don't have to worry about me feeling bad about not winning. So guess who's gonna frame their winning cap? Me. I'm not turning that thing in, I'm keeping that bad boy!

Guess what?

2005-11-01T10:37:00.000-05:00

52 Coca-Cola drinks in a row and I still haven't won! Just thought I should keep you all up to date with my soda failure record.

Crazy foolishness

2005-10-08T15:18:00.000-04:00

I'll start off with my thoughts of the week. First I'd like to ask if anyone out there knows how some of the people at my college got accepted here? My mind is about to fall apart trying to figure out. It may sound kind of mean, but it's almost like their existance defies logic and probably a few laws of physics. Let me explain why.

Walking back to my dorm, I saw three girls talking. One was leaving, and one of the other two girls said "I'll see you later, I'm gonna overdose on some Nyquill." There was no sarcasm or anything in her voice, but she was probably joking. I hope. Anywho, after the one girl leaves, the girl who made they Nyquill statement says to her friend "I really feel like I should be tanning right now." I wasn't sure if I wanted to hit her or ram my face into the sidewalk. It might seem harsh of me to think that way, but it just blows me away to hear people actually talk like that. This leads into another thing I've been pondering here at college.

I remember back to high school. The girls there were pretty reserved (compared to what I see now). It was the guys that talked about sex and used profanity often. It was the guys that wasted their time doing stupid stuff. I remember that the girls in my grade started wearing more clothing as they got older, they kind of matured. Now let's take a look at college girls.

These girls for the most part seem to be bigger partiers than guys, act like they want to have sex more than guys, use more profanity than guys, do and say stupid stuff more than guys, and absolutely don't wear much clothing. How can they just flip flop like that!? They're worse than John Kerry!

Ok, segway to another topic. Joe Satriani is the man. I know I've said that about Eric Clapton. Actually, to be more correct, I said that he's the mizzan, but that's a technicality. Anywho, Joe Satriani practically invented the guitar, destroyed it, and invented it again, but better. That's how good he is. Look him up, download his songs, buy his CDs, or ask me to send you a song if you want, this guy is the man at being the man. As we would have said in our dorm last year "He's a stud!" (thanks for reminding me Ben).

I'm gonna use up my ideas of the week, but oh well, here's another one. I hate bands today. Compare them to Joe Satriani for instance. It's like "Hey, I'm Joe Satriani, I've mastered every aspect of the guitar", vs. "Hey, some people made up a song and some lyrics for me, and now I'm on MTV playing like two chords because I'm just that good." People are looking for the next big thing. You know what? I don't care what the media says is the "next big thing"! How about I decide for myself whether I like a band or not? I guess that's asking too much. Like it's asking too much for bands to make their own music. I know there are bands out there that do make their own music, and it might be good, but I haven't heard it. Probably because they didn't sell out, or weren't given the opportunity. Now for the thoughtful part of my blog that doesn't have social implications, or any implications for that matter.

Let me head back to the college topic. I remember in high school that there was such an emphasis on being cool. There were the cool crowds, and you wanted to be a part of them (or were supposed to want to be a part of them). At college, there isn't an emphasis on coolness at all. In that respect, people are mature enough to either respect you for who you are. Of course that's not always true, but I don't have to worry about what people think about my clothes or hair cut at college. I didn't really care in high school, but people were more judgemental in high school. I guess it's because these people didn't know you for part of your life. They have no way of judging you. They can only judge you for who you are now. It's very interesting how in this aspect as well people's attitudes change dramatically from the way they were in high school to how they are now in college.

I figure that I might as well mention how much I hate Coca-Cola right now. Their 20 oz bottles say that you have a 1 in 12 chance of winning. More like 1 in 12 if you're not me. I don't think I've ever won. Ever. I rarely ever had small sodas like that, so there weren't many chances for me to play. My rough estimate is that I've had 43 in a row where I had a 1 in 12 chance of winning, and haven't won. I think that they purposely send the non-winning ones to my college. I buy them from the soda machine on my floor, outside my dorm, and at one of the stores on campus. If I ever do win, I'll be sure to preach it to the world. However, until then, I will proclaim that it's false advertising to say that I have a 1 in 12 chance in winning, or even a chance of winning at all.

I think I've ranted enough. I did actually have another thought of the week, but I forgot it. At least next time, if I remember it, I'll have something to talk about. I didn't say anything about my week, just the thoughts I've had. Nothing happened this week. I have a crazy foolishness amount of homework this weekend, probably more than I had to do the last half of my senior year.

I'm out, so goodnight everyone, and keep it real.

Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it

2005-10-01T23:08:00.000-04:00

Yes, I did just quote Vanilla Ice. Anywho, I'll start off with how my week went. The news of the week is that my male cat Splinter died. He had to be put to sleep because he was suffering from complete kidney failure. He was 10 years old, and I honestly believe that he was the best cat ever. When I find out how, I'm gonna upload a picture of him onto my blog. I miss not being able to pet him and have him take a nap on me, but I'm fine now.

Aside from that, I played some intramural tennis earlier this week, and once again it rained. It always rains on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, because those are the intramural tennis days. I took my computer science exam on Friday, and I believe I did really well, which is a good thing, since it's my major.

Now for the contemplative part of my blog. I've noticed that just about everyone on campus walks to or from class on a cell phone. It's almost like they HAVE to talk on them, kind of like people HAVE to smoke a cigarette. I pondered why people are always on them. Obviously some of them are making plans to hang out with friends later, or talking to someone in their family, but what about the rest? You can't really talk to be cool, since practically everyone (not me and a few other people), has a cell phone. I came up with a theory.

When you walk and don't talk on a cell phone, you can actually think your own thoughts. You're bombarded with other people's opinions when you walk and talk on a cell phone. Walking to or from class is one of the few times where you can actually think clearly, because there aren't many distractions. Following this line of reasoning, I'm lead to believe that people that talk on cell phones all the time, especially going to or from class, are not capable of thinking their own thoughts, and must receive input from others. People are told what is cool, the things they're supposed to like, and in case you don't like it, there's another brand of marketing that's just for you.

If you walk around, you won't find many people that are really "original". Many people you can place into a certain group without much thought. Those are the people that watch MTV and read magazines that tell them who's popular, what you're supposed to wear, and all that. The people that don't do that follow some other "non-conformist" group. Since all the non-conformist people conform to each other, they defeated their purpose by not conforming. The point is that they're still told how not to conform. How about they make their own ideas about what they do and don't want to confrom to? How about people not talk on cell phones constantly and spend that time thinking their own thoughts?

People rely on others to do work for them, and in this case, it's thinking. People aren't comfortable with themselves enough to do what they want. No one wants to be an outcast, and in order to not be, they sacrifice their personalities and opinions. I hope that I don't conform to what people want me to do, because it's easy to do.

Peace out everyone, be who you are, not what others want you to be.

Interesting stuff...maybe?

2005-09-16T15:38:00.000-04:00

The rest of my week went by pretty well. Doing homework late at night or in the morning, not reading the last 2 assignments for my Egypt class and Computer Science class, and none of that stuff being discussed in class is awesome. Also, the paragraphs I've been writing for class have actually been pretty good. I've impressed myself a few times, and thought "I didn't write that." Also, there's a balcony on our floor that we can't get to because someone lit a fire out there months ago, and there's a balcony floor above that where the railing isn't safe. Well, we were able to get the door open to get out there. It wasn't easy, but we did it, and we're hoping we can be allowed to go out there. For the time being, we're not saying anything about it.

I realized this week that if I did drugs, I'd be the worst drug addict ever. I had like 12 things of Fla-Vor Ice popsicle things at a pool party for one of my classes. There were also Nacho Cheese Doritos, and I had about half a bag. I had half a bag of bbq chips last night. Yes, I know I don't always eat healthy, but I can't stop myself. That's why if I started doing something seriously addicting, I'd be done for. Note to self, don't do drugs.

Now on to some serious stuff. I conducted an experiment this week. It's not very complete, and I'm not sure if I want to keep doing it or not. I decided to not say hi to just about everyone online, and see how many people would talk to me. It was no surprise that few people talked to me. A week is not long enough to get accurate data, because there are also times when too many people say hi to me, but it was interesting to see how many people would say hi, who, and when. Friday night seems to be the night when people want to talk. Most of the people that said hi tonight would rather wait all week to tell you everything at once rather than talk through the week, when you can remember more details. That wasn't meant as an insult, but its a lot easier to tell someone something when it happened that day, or a few days ago. Do I remember anything that happened Monday? No. That's why I try to talk to people during the week, so that I can remember stuff like that.

Right now I'm not sure if I want to stay offline for a while and not have to worry about people, or go back to relying on talking to people online to make me feel better. I'm nothing without my friends, and I hate to have to rely on them to the extent I do. I might seem to have my priorities messed up, worrying about if people say hi to me online or not, but here at college, I'm surrounded by worldly people, and when I talk to people, especially church people online, I expect good things from them. Whether you talked to me this week or not, don't worry. Also, if you feel that any of what I said applies to you, I don't want you to start talking to me every chance you get. Be who you are, don't change because I post about people not saying hi to me first. In just about everything in life that I can think of right now, we must change because we want to or have to. To make someone happy and not feel guilty is no reason to change. To want to make someone happy because you want them to be happy is the best reason in the world.

Once again, I feel like I'm accusing people and making a social commentary, but I'm pointing out some generalities I see with people in and out of the church. If we don't act differently than the world, how can we really prove that we're different? Because we go to a different kind of church with our parents? By not going out with friends Friday night, does that really make us lights to the world? Even the little things, and sometimes especially the little things make a difference. What other things in our life, besides how we talk to people online, do we not do differently than the world? What things can we change to make us better people, and show others that we're not like people in the world?

The things that have upset me about how people act online are only part of the problem. At camp, it's not uncommon for people to show how or talk about the worldly things they do, like they're things to brag about. I did it this past year too, and it upsets me. We don't brag about the good things we do; God does the bragging for us by blessing us or building our character. So why are we bragging about the worldly things we've done? Because we like the world, and we like to emulate it and show that we're emulating it. We must change that about ourselves because we want to and have to.

Be wary of the little things and the big things you do. What messages are we sending by the things we do and say? Do we show that we're empathetic online? Do we show that we're empathetic in person? Do we talk to others online to find out how they're doing, to talk to someone you haven't talked to in a while, or just to tell them how good your week was? Is the way we talk online just a mirror of other parts of our life that are worldly? A little leavening can leaven the whole lump in ways we might not imagine.

I went from social commentary to rant mode to pretty much a sermon. This was not to put people down, to make them feel bad, or exalt myself. There were some things that I felt needed to be said. Other things I thought should be pointed out in this context, to make us look at ourselves. We say we're going to examine ourselves, but how often do we? What areas of our life do we examine? What areas do we wait to examine later, but never get to? What simple things can we do to make our lives and other people's lives better? Truly think about these things, act upon them.

No topic name is good enough

2005-09-09T22:50:00.000-04:00

I joined intramural tennis this week. I had my first game on Thursday. The guy who I was supposed to play got there a couple minutes late, and all the courts were taken up, so we had to play a doubles match. The problem was that the guys we played against had already warmed up and were ready to play. The guy I played against and I had like 4 minutes, which totally isn't enough time. We lost. Afterwards, the intramural guy wanted the two of us to play so that we had a record of us playing. He won 6-2, 2-6, 6-2. If we had actually had time to warm up and get loose, the outcome might have been different. Oh well, I'll make sure to warm up like half an hour before my next match starts.

Right now I'm upset at people in general. I'll start off with what just happened a couple minutes ago. I was coming back to my dorm, and I see there's a big group of people outside. A fight is being broken up by other guys, so I take the stairs on the side of the building. On the men's side of the hall, which is away from where the fight is, the doors don't open from the outside, but someone on our floor had put something to block the door from closing, allowing us to enter from the outside. I find out when I reach the top that someone took it out. I get inside another way, and find out that the guys in the fight are near the elevator. I have to take a set of stairs somewhere else, and take another set on the other side of the building, then come back to the side of my building where my room is, just to get back to my room. All the people outside were drunk or had something to drink. I wanted a giant piano to fall from the sky and land on them to make them all be quiet.

I hope no one takes this the wrong way, but to be honest, I'm upset with people I call my friends. I'm not looking for sympathy, and I'm not blaming people specifically. I try to treat each person special, and I put some effort into maintaining my friendships. I usually expect them to put some effort back into it. I understand that some don't do it as well, or that some friendships don't work out. That's fine. However, I see a constant trend with a lot of friends where they don't put much effort into being friends. Maybe it's me, I don't know. I have other friends who do simple things like say hi first on IM, try to keep a conversation going, or tell you why they can't keep one going. I appreciate things like that. There are times when you only want to talk to certain people, or don't want to talk to someone, that's fine too. But there are things that annoy me, like if I come back to my computer, and the other person says something like "yay", and then doesn't talk. It's like not talking to me when I'm at my computer is more exciting than not talking to me when I'm not at my computer. Yes, I've done that a couple times too, gotten caught up in other conversations, but there has seemed to be a rise in that sort of behavior. I also bet that if I didn't initiate any IM conversations, and let people say hi to me, I'd talk to about 10% of the people I normally talk to.

I probably sound somewhat irritated, and I am. I'm doing what people said they would after the shootings: telling people how I feel about them. That brings to mind another thing: after the shootings people said they'd tell each other how much they care about each other. I didn't see much of that, or at least not many people didn't tell me they cared about me. Either way, I wasn't surprised. The average person is afraid to say what they mean, and say it like they mean it. It's hard to tell someone how you feel about them, and the fact that we still hide our feelings tells me that most of us aren't mature enough to tell others what we feel. We're afraid of rejection, or hurting someone else's feelings. We shouldn't be offended by what others say. Our mission as Christians isn't to make everyone happy. Is it worth stretching the truth to make someone not feel bad? Do we have to sugar coat everything we say, and run the risk of not getting our point across? There are right and wrong ways to say things, but sometimes you just need to go out and tell someone something.

I too have been working on this. I don't want to sound like I'm putting others down, even though I might come off that way, but that's because I'm not sugar coating things. I could talk to the people that do some or all of these things one on one, but I figured that posting my thoughts on my blog would give me a better chance to organize my thoughts, and let the 3 people that read my boring site know what I'm thinking.

If I had talked to some of my friends about what I said above, some might agree. Presenting my ideas in this fashion, where many (2 or 3 would be many, right?) people can read it, might make me look like I'm preaching, but I'm not. If you have a problem with what I said, tell me. I didn't mean to offend anyone, but if I did, let me know. I needed to vent, and at the moment, the way I worded things seemed right. I should probably end now, so goodnight everyone.

College time!

2005-09-03T14:46:00.000-04:00

Well, I've been through my first two weeks of college, yay! It's not that tough yet. I have Computer Science A & B 4 times a week. One of those classes we meet in the computer lab. The problem is that 75% of the computers in there are MACs, so we're learning how to use them. Whoever said that MACs are user friendly needs to be shot. A friend across the hall who has a MAC laptop (he got one because he wanted to see what they were like), hates how they're nowhere near as stable as they're proclaimed to be (whoever said they're stable also needs to be shot). The guy teaching the class is a million times better than my Computer Science teacher in high school. I have Evolution of the Universe, which is basically an astronomy class, looking at the way the universe works, with little emphasis on math (YES!). The teacher's pretty cool. I've got an English class called Writing About Monsters, but we write about monstrocity, the way it's depicted in various forms. The problem is the teacher doesn't seem that experienced, and don't explain things very well. Also, why would you hire a guy to teach English when he has some of the worst handwriting ever, and goes off topic constantly!? Not a good class. My final one is my RCC class (Rollins Conference Course). During orientation, we'd be with that class, and go around campus being oriented, and we'd make some friends in that class. A good way to get adjusted to college. Instead of giving you the longest name for a class ever, I'll just tell you what it's about. We're studying the art of ancient Egypt, and somewhat of the areas around Egypt. We're learning how the art affected just about everything in their lives. It's more interesting than it may sound. I love Thursdays. English from 11:00-11:50, and no more classes after that.

In case I haven't already told you, you're probably wondering what Rollins is like. Well, to start off, it's a beautiful campus, and most people here are pretty nice. There's a 60-40% ratio of women to men (which I honestly had no idea of), and most of those women are attractive, and like to show it off. I have wondered a few times how some of the people at this school met the qualifications. I also wonder how some of them are even going to last in the real world. I heard one girl going off on her dad because he wouldn't send her some coffee from home. It's not like there's a ton of places on campus to get coffee or anything!

There is bad language of course, and drinking. No, I have not had anything with alcohol in it to drink. Aside from that, there's not much to complain about. Now on to the cool things about college:

I live on the fourth floor of my dorm. We have a big lobby area with a tv, some couches, half the amount of people as the other floors, twice the washers and driers, and a ping pong table. We're trying to get a pool table on our floor too. Almost everyone on my floor is pretty cool. We're one of the best dorm floors on campus, maybe even the best. I have tennis courts, basketball courts, and a volleyball court right outside my dorm. We have a gym with basketball courts we can use any time, and a place where we can work out. I still have to go there, pump some iron, and be a stud at camp next year...or not. There are plenty of places around here to eat, and the food's good. There's a place where they serve subs and wraps, I want to live there.

My birthday was Thursday (I'm 19 in case you didn't know), and I played 3 hours of tennis that day. It was great. Even though it was in the middle of the day, and I was sweating like crazy, I was able to get warmed up enough so that I could hit the tennis ball the way I wanted to just about every time. I now have a backhand shot! I can put slice on the ball if I want. I can even come to net, which I could never do before. It was so awesome. I took a nap later that day, and had a 12 inch sub with chicken tenders in it, muenster cheese, and some sauce. Don't be jealous. Yesterday I had to meet with my RCC class from 2:00-3:15. It's mandatory for all freshmen in RCC classes. We played football (two hand touch), and I threw some frisbee after that.

It's pretty crazy having all this freedom. Unlike high school, there are no security officers or teachers telling people to stop making out. People smoke, and no one cares. Some people even throw away empty boxes of beer in the trash, and don't even try to hide it. It's insane sometimes, but I'm avoiding that stuff. Being in a school setting and having so much freedom is very different, but I'm used to it now.

Well, I've got nothing more to say. Just thought I should keep my blog alive. Since I'm getting used to my schedule, I hope to be able to post on here more often. Adios everyone.

I shaved!

2005-08-21T01:34:00.000-04:00

Two Thursdays ago I shaved. Big deal, right? Wrong. Since camp ended, I hadn't shaved until then. I took off everything except for a little gotee thing. I can actually pull it off, which is pretty amazing, and I actually look my age for once. I'll have to find a way to get a picture of how I look now, so that any of you who are interested can see.

If I haven't told you already, camped was awesome. Spending time with my friends, that extra bit of freedom and responsibility, it was all good. Unfortunately when I left I was sick like everyone else. My dad eventually got it, and it affected him pretty badly. The Florida humidity apparently brought out the worst part of the sickness; a really bad cough. With my dad, it was worse. He'd cough and not be able to breath, and have to find a way to breath in air while coughing uncontrollably. Been there, done that, a few years ago, not fun. Anywho, he's a lot better now.

Oh yeah, I should mention that I'm in college now, Rollins to be exact. It's in Orlando. I've spent the last few days meeting people, being a part of the orientation process. They had some of us go to a nursing home, and that was very humbling. However, aside from that, it's been pretty fun. The people on my floor are pretty cool, and so is the conference course class that I'm in. I'm pretty much caught up, after missing the first few days of orientation. Trying to get everything done in one day was crazy. I'm looking forward to my dad coming by next Friday. I'll get to go to services, and he'll bring some more stuff from home. I'll have my tennis raquet, football, and basketball. It's great where I'm staying because right as you walk out, there's tennis courts, a volleyball court, and basketball courts around the corner. The food's really good, and there are some good places nearby to eat. They also have a pool table, which is so cool. We're getting a ping pong table set up on our floorl, and within the next few days, my dorm mate and I might buy a small couch for our dorm, then maybe a telephone, tv, and possibly a video game system. Nothing's decided yet. Hopefully within the next weeks I'll have my own cell phone and car, which will be very helpful. I wish food here wasn't so expensive. It's not outrageously expensive, but it could be a little less expensive. However, it is good food, so I probably shouldn't complain. Well, that's all I can think of to talk about for now. Depending on how much work I have, I'll try to post on here more often, since I'll be doing new things every day. Take care everyone.

Ian

No, I'm not dead

2005-06-24T23:48:00.000-04:00

I've been pretty lazy, but here's another post about my life. I'm actually doing stuff! Well, last Monday I played some basketball with friends. Fun as always. Tuesday I went to a water park with a friend. Unfortunately it was 10 year old kids in church group day, but my friend and I managed to go on plenty of rides. The best was a new one they had, because we nearly died on it the 3 times we went on it. My friend weighs about 170-180, it's mostly muscle. Keep that in mind. On the ride, you get into a big tube with 4 seats. We sat across from each other all 3 times, and each time, he was the one that went on the ride backwards. The people that push you on the ride had him go backwards each time, maybe by luck or design. Anywho, you go through a big tube, and you slowly pick up a little speed. Then you come out the tube on a nearly vertical drop of about 20 feet. No matter where you're sitting, you feel like you're about to fly out of the tube. On the last time we went on the ride, we could feel that we weren't totally on the slide when we went down, so we definitely could have fallen out and hurt ourselves. After the drop, you're in a big funnel that's at an angle. The momentum from the drop brings you up the side of the funnel. We went so high up the last time, we thought we'd fall out. We went higher than the other times, so we knew how close we were to falling out. My friend actually stood up when we got up high on the funnel. So that was that day.

Last Wednesday, I did work. A guy from our church needed help repairing his house from hurricane damage last year. He and his wife had moved out for a while, and are back now to do repairs. I've helped with roofing (putting in metal shingles shaped like terra cotta roof tiles, a pain to put in), installing double doors in his house, taking out the sliding glass door and doors that were there before, lawn maintainance for a client of his, taking out drywall, which was fun, and more roofing. I should be doing more of this next week too. I've had a few days last week and this past week to take a break from work.

Wednesday was fun, yet stupid. My friend had a Slip and Slide. We attached 2 tarps in front of it, and put water and dish soap on them, to make them slippery. We spent hours throwing football and making diving catches, tackling a 6 foot flotation thing and sliding on it, trying to jump on it and slide, that sort of thing. The problem is that running at full speed and jumping onto your chest and sliding on it about 100 times in a day causes your ribs and your stomach to hurt the next few days. Sneezing is a really painful and bad idea for me. So is moving. I actually had to do some roofing the next day, and boy was that not fun. My knees were scraped, and I had to wear knee pads and kneel down a lot to put the shingles in. Not fun.

Camp is getting really close, I can't wait. This year, even though I won't be a camper for my first time, should still be awesome. I'll make a lot of new friends who are older than me. Yay!

Men everywhere, listen up!

2005-06-07T01:59:00.000-04:00

I have discovered the four best ways to get the ladies. First, you have to chew gum or have breath mints in your mouth all the time. Women will be attracted to you when they smell how cool and refreshing your breath is! Secondly, you have to drive a cool car. You know you've found the right woman when she respects you for your car, and not your body. Thirdly, you have to have a cool six pack of beer with you everywhere you go. Whether it's at the office, in an elevator, or at the beach, women are always looking for a guy with beer. Now if these things don't work, then you'll have to go for the coup de grace. Apply Axe and/or Tag body spray to yourself, and you'll have women and their mothers literally fighting over you. This is so much easier than the old days, where you had to be nice to a girl, and say or do things to get her attention. You wanna know how I know that I'm right? There are commercials on tv that prove it. It would be blatant false advertising to have a woman swarm all over a guy with Axe or Tag body spray if that wasn't what really happened. What type of woman would be a part of a commercial like that? Well everyone, when you see me next time, I'll have women flocking all over me, and you'll know why.

Disclaimer: What you just read was completely fictitious. Do not, for any reason, believe that I meant what I wrote. It was purely made to make people laugh. If anyone would like to give me real pointers on how to pick up the ladies, they would be most appreciated.

Disclaimer disclaimer: The last sentence in the disclaimer was not meant to be taken literally. No, I'm not doing awesome with the ladies, but what I wrote made me look like I needed serious help. If you feel obligated to offer advice, I won't stop you, but don't do it out of pity, please. Thank you.

Here I come to save the day!

2005-06-03T23:06:00.000-04:00

I've returned from about 2 weeks of not being here. Let me update you on my life, that's what you're here for! Last week I threw football with my dad for a while. I was out-throwing him for a while, which was good, since he usually has a few feet on me. Monday was the season finale of 24 and CSI Miami. 24 has to be one of the best shows ever made. The plot twists and the acting, it's so great. Tuesday I went to the beach with friends. Wednesday was season finale of Lost. Thursday and Friday weren't that exciting. I think I got my hair cut that Friday. Saturday Sharon Jablonski and her family were down, which was cool. Monday I went to the beach with friends, then to a friend's house and hung out in their pool. The rest of the week was rain. I watched some tennis and the Spelling Bee. Yes, the Spelling Bee. It's amusing at times with the words they have. I've also been reading the articles in the new Living Church News. I like the topics of the articles, they're different than normal, and I'm not just referring to the one about the Wisconsin shooting.

My mind is still coming up with songs, which is quite annoying. They're pretty good songs, to me at least, so I don't want to forget them. It's just that until I can put the song on paper or record it, it'll both me constantly. Thankfully Summer showed me a place where I can download a program to make music. That should come in handy.

You know what's annoying? Coming up with something profound to talk about on here, and then forgetting about it when you post on here. Hopefully I'll remember next time. What a pain. Anyways, that's all I've got. No more, no less.

Guess who's back?

2005-05-21T02:42:00.000-04:00

Me, that's who. I haven't posted on here because, well, what was there to post about? More basketball, more feeling like my life's going nowhere, the usual. My friend's girlfriend was supposed to get me a ticket when I found out that him and some friends were going to the premier of Star Wars. She forgot, so I couldn't go. There goes the highlight of the month pretty much. I got my hair cut today, continuing the spike look. The barber shop is right next door to me, very convenient. I had to run home after I got my hair cut since there was a crowd of women chasing after me, telling me how great I looked with my hair cut. Hahaha, or not. I should stop lying.

I realized that a spiked hair cut is like one of the only cool things that I can get away with doing. I can't wear cool designer clothes without looking like I robbed a bank, and made some guy switch clothes with me so that I wouldn't get caught. I can't use cool words, it'll be like me trying to act like I speak Spannish natively. If I talk about sports, people don't want to believe that I know what a football is, or that I'd rather watch a basketball game instead of read a book on subatomic particles. I look like a video game person, which I am, so that's 2 cool things I can do and get away with. I've got card tricks which lose their novelty after I show them to someone, and juggling which loses its novelty when you realize that most of the people watching can juggle too.

I most likely won't be going to L4T, since I can't afford it. My mom payed for the airfare the last 2 years, but this year she didn't. That $200+ would have been spent on L4T, but since I don't have an extra $200 laying around, it's just camp this year. It's better than nothing though.

Well, now you know that I'm still alive and haven't forgotten my blog. I hope to be back soon with more stuff about my life or thoughts, if any of those happen to be interesting.

Keep it real everyone.

Oh wait, I so can't say something like that.

Take care everyone!

There, that's better.

Bye!

My recent life

2005-05-05T20:17:00.000-04:00

Wow, I haven't been on here in a while. Well, this past weekend we had combined services in Tampa for the Last Day. I got to see some friends up there, so that was cool. I haven't had a chance to play any basketball since then though. It rained today and yesterday, but hopefully this Sunday I'll get to go to the park.

I was also upset when the cable went out in our house last night. Adelphia provides our cable internet and our cable tv, but at least we had our phone still working. The reason I was upset was because I've become addicted to Lost. I didn't care for the show when it aired, but I saw an episode, and not a lot of stuff made much sense. Not because I didn't see the beginning, but because there's no way to predict where the show's going to go. You can't predict they'll find something like the hatch to a submarine in the middle of the island, but there's no way to open it up. They hadn't shown a new episode for a while, and last night was the first new one, but I couldn't see it. Yes, worse things can happen, but it's one of the few shows that I watch regularly, and I'm interested in seeing where they want to go with the show.

Well, enough about that. My life is still pretty boring, and I've sometimes wondered why I even started this blog. It's not profound, or funny, or insightful into who I am. It's pretty boring actually. If I can't find anything else to write about soon, I might just stop posting on here. In print, my life is boring. In real life, it's more entertaining. Well, I hope I can think of more stuff to talk about soon. You'd think that after a week I'd have more stuff to talk about than a tv show and my weekend.

Pure genius!

2005-04-28T02:08:00.000-04:00

Ever had a bag of Lays potato chips? The ones with the basic flavor? You know what's genious about it? Look at the ingredients. There's only 2 or 3! And they charge as much as they do for other chips that have about 40 ingredients. It's dirt cheap to make, and they charge as much as other brands do for stuff with more ingredients. They've gotta be making a ton of money off of that stuff! It's like watching people buy a can of soda for a dollar, when for an extra dollar (or maybe just one dollar if ther's a sale), you can get two liters! I don't care about searching stores to save a few cents on a item, and wasting the same amount of gas going to different stores to compare prices, but I hate it when people just throw their money away. And I think it's cool that Lays and other companies can charge as much for original flavor chips as they do for barbeque or whatever.

Yes, this was another post about chips, but chips are very important to me.

More about vacuums

2005-04-25T05:45:00.000-04:00

I didn't break the vacuum cleaner! Apparently the fan that sucks stuff up got broken. One of the pieces, while spinning at high RPM, flew into the top of the plastic case around it, and broke it. That must have been the bang I heard. There's not much suction left, since it's broken, so we had to borrow a neighbor's vacuum with one more day before the Days of Unleavened Bread started. We were able to clean everything like we wanted to, but were weren't expecting to lose our vacuum. We still have to buy a new one.

Passover was interesting, there weren't many people online for a while, but I managed to talk to Charles for a little while on the phone that night. Later I got to talk to Jon Gregory on the phone. I hadn't talked to him since before the shooting, so it was great to catch up with him. He was in good spirits, sounded like the same old Jon. I decided not to talk to him about the obvious since everyone else has done that, and telling them your life story gets annoying after a while. Saturday was good, had a good service. We went to the Wakefield's for the NTBMO, and Alex Meredith's family was there too. We got to drink wine and champagne, had a great meal, and a lot of fun talking to each other. Sunday I got to sleep in, since services were at 2:00. We met at the Westin Hotel, instead of our usual meeting hall, and I think everyone preferred the Westin. It was a lot cleaner, there was a comfy couch and chairs that we could sit in and talk, and it would only cost a little more. I think we should seriously consider meeting there more often. Once again Phil Sena gave the sermon, and he is just amazing. He tells you about the topic in a way so that it's not like you've heard it a thousand times before, and then he goes into the reasons why things happened the way they did. He then compares that to our lives today physically and spiritually, and it just amazes you that you read over it, and didn't realize the symbolism. He can make complex things easier to understand, so I enjoy hearing from him when I can.

Well, I've gotta find a way to last a week without cookies or pizza or practically everything that I eat all the time. I miss my sin (leaven).

B-ball and vacuums

2005-04-21T01:11:00.000-04:00

Exciting stuff first. Today I cleaned out the car with the vacuum. My dad was going to pick up some groceries and stuff later, so he wanted me to do some vacuuming under the dinner table and under the couch cushions while he was gone. I do the living room floor, and am about to do under the cushions. I lift the first one up, and before I can get anything done, I hear a loud bang. I look at the cleaner, and either smoke or dust comes out. Not a lot, so it was probably dust, but I turned the vacuum off, and backed away. I'm gonna let my dad try to fix it, rather than get yelled at for doing it myself.

Yesterday I played basketball with my friend Chris yet again. Didn't play any games, just shot around for a while. Stopped at Taco Bell, and returned to the park. There was a black guy with the trunk of his car open, and a baby stroller next to it. As we got closer, we saw that there was gasoline and fertilizer in the stroller. We went to the other side of the park, afraid the guy was making bomb. After eating our food, and after that guy left, we went over to the court and played some more b-ball.

Speaking of basketball, the playoffs are here! Quick question. How many people have finished the regular season in the top five in scoring, assists, and steals? Answer? None! Until Allen Iverson this year. #1 in scoring, #5 in assists, and I think #3 in steals. This will be his 4th scoring title. He is the man! He deserves an NBA Championship.

Got more b-ball hopefully this week. Gonna get into shape before camp (hahahahahaha) if I can. Since I'll be outside so much, I might actually get a tan! Hahahahahaha! Look like I'm actually from Florida! Ahhhhh, I crack myself up sometimes.

Doritos are addictive!

2005-04-16T22:54:00.000-04:00

My dad bought 2 bags of Doritos the other night. One was Nacho Cheese, the other was Cooler Ranch. After having one Nacho Cheese flavored chip, I was ready to eat the whole bag. I would have seriously needed restraint. Crack has to be one of the main ingredients in that stuff. Other chips that I like I can force myself to stop eating at some point. Not this stuff. Who needs drugs when you've got Doritos? More proof that they're addictive is when we started eating the Cooler Ranch flavored ones. They're not my favorite flavor, but I couldn't help myself. They tasted ok, but I couldn't stop eating them. I need to go to a Doritos Annonymous class. I've at least taken the first step by admitting I have a problem.

Aside from that, I got a hair cut on Friday. Short spiked hair cut, which everyone except my dad likes. I also played basketball on Friday with some friends for a few hours. We played 2 on 2 before one of them had to leave. Played a little 21, then some horse. In the first game of horse, I was a maniac, making nearly every shot. Even the circus shots my friends made that I usually can't make were somehow going in. Luck bounces and everything, it was great to dominate for a little while. It went away when my friend started making more circus shots, I got off rhythm, and he came back to win. Then the next game my other friend started making everything he shot. In the last game, my other friend started making everything. It was pretty cool that we each had a game of dominance. Ahh, basketball, the game of champs.

Eric Clapton is the mizzan!

2005-04-14T00:39:00.000-04:00

I'm borrowing an Eric Clapton cd my mom has. It has pretty much all the famous songs that he wrote. When I first heard it, I was surprised that I remembered the songs, but didn't know they were by him. Sunshine Of Your Life and White Room would have to be my 2 favorites. I'm a sucker for classic rock songs. I could live off of them. And water. And food. And shelter. And my Bible. And basically everything else I have. But the point is that I love that stuff. It could be the simplest, happiest song ever, or it could a 2 minute solo where the guitarist plays more chords than most guitarists today know how to play. If only I had an ounce of his talent....

More worldly nonsense

2005-04-13T01:29:00.000-04:00

I had a post on here about how sick I was with women being used and allowing themselves to be used. Wouldn't you know it, I found some more repulsing examples, and I figured I share 2. The first was a commercial. The whole time there's a woman who was saying hi to guys, but using a different name each time. Then it ended with some guy saying "Las Vegas. Whatever happens here, stays here." What was that woman thinking when she agreed to do that commercial!? "Maybe I'll get my big break by playing a tramp in Vegas!" What great credentials to show at an audition! Anywho, the other thing was the Miss America pageant. We don't care what talents you have, or that you can't answer a real question with a real answer, we just want to see you in a bikini, so that we can say you're the prettiest woman in America. As some of my friends have said before, "it's a farce!"

Well, on a better note, I played more basketball today with some friends. After all that basketball last week, it helped get me back into shape, so when I got home, I wasn't that tired. I actually did a pretty good job shooting, so I'm happy. I hope I can play more often, and stay in shape. That's a major thing I wanna do before camp. If I'm gonna be teaching kids how to throw a football or whatever, I had better look like someone that can throw a football.

Speaking of camp, I'm so exciting that it's getting closer. I'm most likely going to go to the L4T before camp. Why not? An extra to spend with friends that I never get to talk to or see as much as I want. Count me in!

My Sabbath

2005-04-09T16:40:00.000-04:00

As everyone is aware of, today was the church-wide fast. What a great way to open an entry, point out the obvious. Anywho, my dad had one of his severe sinus attacks, so we couldn't go to services. That meant I got to stay up late and sleep in late, hehe. We watched a video by Mr. Bryce called "Two Trees, Two Houses". It was the one that Terry Ratzmann walked out of part way through 2 weeks before killed people. I didn't find anything in there that would be offensive. The point of the message was that we have 2 choices, good or bad, life or death, and that Christ doesn't see a middle ground. It was a good sermon, and I recommend that you all see it, if you haven't already. I've been looking through the youth forum and whatnot, and checking my buddy list, hoping someone will come online to talk to.

Yesterday was interesting. My mom called me with an offer for a job. The guy who worked on her house needs a helper, since the old one doesn't work for him anymore. Sounds like a good idea, but then I find out that I'd be working full time Monday through Friday. I'd be living with my mom and her husband. They drink too much, my mom smokes, her husband doesn't get violent, but has a short temper. They're not going to drive me an hour and a half to go to services, and they're not interested in attending. I don't have my own car since I can't afford one, or the insurance, but if my mom bought me one, by the time I got it, so that I could go to services if I wanted to, I'd be fed up with living there. There's no internet connection at home, so I wouldn't be able to stay in contact with my friends. Is some money and seeing my mom really worth that? I don't think so. I visit her for a week or less occasionally, and that's good and all, but a week is plenty. I still have to call her back and tell her that I'm not interested in the job.

That night I called Tabi and talked to her for 3 hours. We had a good conversation. I called Laura after that, but she was tired from her week, and was sleepy, so we talked for about half an hour. I spent pretty much the rest of the night on the computer, talking to whoever was still up that late. Charles tried to convince me I'm a girl magnet, and I tried to convince him he's stupid.

Well, that's about all going on right now. Might play some basketball Sunday, or call Charles. I'm looking forward to eating and drinking again. Surprisingly, even though I have no fat on me for my body to use while I fast, I'm feeling pretty good. I hope everyone else's fast has been going as well. Take care everyone.

Something great

2005-04-07T00:09:00.000-04:00

For years, I've felt that I'm capable of doing something great. It wasn't out of arrogance, I just had a feeling. Ever had a feeling like that? I've always wondered what it is that I would do that would be so great. It's not my ultimate destiny that I get this feeling about, but it feels more like something that I'll make. Now a year or so ago, out of nowhere, a piano song popped into my head. I had created part of piano song in my mind for no reason. Since then, I've come up with a few more songs, so I wonder if I'll write a great song one day. Music can be a very emotional thing, and there are some songs out there that can generate a feeling that most of the rest can't. Can I create a song like that? Do I really have what it takes to create an epic song?

I hope one day to learn the piano, so that I can get these songs out of my head. The way my mind works, if I come up with something, like a story idea, song idea, or whatever, my mind keeps reminding me of it until I start making it. After that, it leaves me alone. I don't want to be reminded of songs I haven't made yet for the rest of my life. Even if I'm playing a song written by someone else, it's a good service to do something like that for Holy Day music, or to entertain people.

To conclude, I think that there's probably something great that everyone is capable of. We need to find what that is, and do it. We can all do something of interest, and to me, music is one of the best "great" things that we can do.

I'm sick of the world

2005-04-05T06:18:00.000-04:00

While watching some tv, I saw an example of women being used, and the women not caring. It reminded me the other night when I was watching Law & Order SVU, there was a character who talked about women like they were sex objects. It wasn't real, but that sort of stuff is out there, everywhere. I don't understand how women can put up with men using them. I can't understand how men can put up with women using them. Friendships and relationships should be symbiotic, not parasitic. How can people do that to each other? How can people live with themselves knowing that they're using someone or being used?

It's so strange, that as I was growing up, the shows I watched on tv emphasized friendship, trustworthiness, valuing others, all that good stuff. What caused everyone to forget all the good things they learned? Don't they feel any remorse? What are they going to tell God when He asks them why they treated people the way they did?

I feel like I'm naive sometimes when I think that there has to be people out there, besides those in the church, who value good as the most important thing in their life. Had I not been in the church, I doubt I would have found anyone, man or woman, who shared my values. I'm glad that I have friends who don't put others down, and who think of the other person's well-being. They don't use others for gain, and don't allow themselves to be used. They stand up for what they believe in, and give support to their friends if they can.

I might act stupid sometimes, or say something I shouldn't from time to time, but if I do, I don't mean it. I would never do anything to hurt my friends. Without them, I would be more of a loser than I am. I'd be an anti-social nutjob who wouldn't know to act around women, and would end up scaring them off. Thank you everyone for helping make me the person that I am. Thank you for being there if I needed to talk.

Somehow I went from one topic to another, but that's ok I guess. I should be going now, it's late. Have a good week everyone.

My first blog post, ever!

2005-04-05T00:36:00.000-04:00

Well, this is my first post. Will anyone care? Probably not. Is this site anything special? No. Why am I doing this? Because I wanted to see what having a blog is like. I don't even know how many people I'll tell about my blog. I doubt many people would be interested in what I have to say.

Well, this week got off to a good start. On Sunday I ate lunch with one of my dad's business partners. He was a pretty cool guy, and I'm hoping he can help my dad get paid soon. Afterwards I called Charles and talked to him for about 45 minutes before my friend Chris picked me up to go to the park and play basketball. I knew one of the kids at the park, and Chris knew some of the kids there, and we played 4 on 4 for a few minutes before 2 of the kids who smoke decided that their lungs couldn't take anymore. I did absolutely horrible. I did so bad, I thought about giving up basketball altogether. I talked to Gina later that night, and we talked for a while.

Monday wasn't exciting. It took me about an hour and a half to fall asleep, and I went to bed late, so I was tired when I woke up. I was playing Star Wars Rogue Squadron, and I finally got a gold medal on the only level I didn't have one, so I've completely beat the game. Not much for a high point of my day. I hope that my later blogs can be more exciting than this.