What you see isn't always what you get
Man, silent communication is the worst. I'm talking about the "this is who I am, and you can tell who I am because of how I look, act, etc." sort of communication. Like if I dress up like a skater would, I'm non-verbally telling you that I like skating and/or the skater lifestyle. There are other ways for guys to non-verbally communicate things, and this is where some problems can begin.
Let's say we've got a guy who works out and is in good shape. He's got some defined arms and abs, and his face looks good too. He doesn't have to be crazy muscular, but the right amount of muscle so that he's attractive to you. Ok, before you even meet this guy, there are some things you can know about him. He's dedicated; he has to be in order to be in the shape he's in. He's in fairly good health. The way he looks can symbolize being protective, and if you like that quality in a man, then in that respect, he's appealing to you.
Now let's stand me up next to this guy. I'm not as muscular as him, or a lot of guys as a matter of fact. I don't have defined abs, but I do have decently strong ones. What can you tell from the way I look? I'm not as dedicated as the other guy, and I'm probably not as healthy as he is either. My looks don't symbolize someone who can protect you.
Now it's time to turn your world upside down. First of all, why is the guy in the shape he's in? Is it because he's not that smart, so instead of studying, he works out? Is he just trying to impress women? To me, dedication with the wrong goal pretty much negates that quality. Unless you know the guy, you have no way of knowing why he's in the shape he's in. You don't know if that's the only area of his life that's he dedicated in. If the guy is dedicated in other areas of his life, awesome. If he's dedicated because he just wants to attract women, or he works out to make up for the fact that he's stupid, or some other reason, then you should probably not consider this guy.
Now let's look at me. Laziness + eating whatever I want and as much of it as I want = me looking like I'm not fed. Unless I could afford to buy massive weight gain formula, eat a bunch of food that's supposed to help me gain weight, and had room in my house to put a bench so I could work out, I can't gain weight. Unfortunately, I don't have the money or the room to do those things. I'm not going to look like that guy standing next to me. Because I am physically unable to look like him, you might think that I am not dedicated. You don't know how dedicated I am in other areas of my life. You might not see me as being protective. You can't tell if I'm in better cardiovascular shape than him or not. You might assume that I'm not because I don't work out all the time.
Until you get to know that guy next to me, you have no reason to assume that the reason for him working out is to attract women or any other reason like that. That's fine, but what you see in that guy, or what you think you see in that guy are only educated guesses. What you see in me, or think you see in me, are only educated guesses, and in my situation, are based on a lack of information.
Let's say I see a girl in a tight shirt and shorts. What am I supposed to think of her? What if the first time I see you, you happen to be wearing some physically appealing outfit? You wouldn't want me to judge you on that. If the way you look isn't the way society says women should look, should I think that you aren't healthy, aren't attractive, or whatever? Or should I get to know you first and enjoy "the symbolism of your body" later, after I know the kind of person you are?
Guys like to use actions as a way to tell what kind of person you are. I'm seeing that some women (not sure how many, at least some) use results to tell what kind of person you are. Of course there are times when men and women use both, but this is a general statement. What's my point? If there's some quality you think you see in a guy, prove that it's there first. Guys are going around unintentionally displaying qualities that they may or may not have. We don't always know what sort of ideas we're sending out based on the way we look! You might think we lack a certain quality because you can't see it's effects by the way we look. You might also see more qualities in us than there are. If you get the wrong impression of us, sorry, we don't mean it. If we don't know that you're looking for the results of qualities based on how we look, then we'll keep sending you the wrong message without knowing it!
Does my body lack protective symbolism? Yeah. Doesn't mean I'm not protective, or that I'm not dedicated. I have special circumstances, and I can't do anything about them. Don't penalize me because I don't look a certain way. There are so many different factors in involved in different situations that half the time, the way a person looks might not mean anything, or it could mean a bunch of things. Give me (and other guys of course) a chance to prove who we are, based on who we are, not on the "results" of qualities you think we may or may not have.
I don't think this is too big of a problem. Then again, I could be way off. At the very least, it's a potential problem which can easily be solved, and make life in the universe much easier.
Let's say we've got a guy who works out and is in good shape. He's got some defined arms and abs, and his face looks good too. He doesn't have to be crazy muscular, but the right amount of muscle so that he's attractive to you. Ok, before you even meet this guy, there are some things you can know about him. He's dedicated; he has to be in order to be in the shape he's in. He's in fairly good health. The way he looks can symbolize being protective, and if you like that quality in a man, then in that respect, he's appealing to you.
Now let's stand me up next to this guy. I'm not as muscular as him, or a lot of guys as a matter of fact. I don't have defined abs, but I do have decently strong ones. What can you tell from the way I look? I'm not as dedicated as the other guy, and I'm probably not as healthy as he is either. My looks don't symbolize someone who can protect you.
Now it's time to turn your world upside down. First of all, why is the guy in the shape he's in? Is it because he's not that smart, so instead of studying, he works out? Is he just trying to impress women? To me, dedication with the wrong goal pretty much negates that quality. Unless you know the guy, you have no way of knowing why he's in the shape he's in. You don't know if that's the only area of his life that's he dedicated in. If the guy is dedicated in other areas of his life, awesome. If he's dedicated because he just wants to attract women, or he works out to make up for the fact that he's stupid, or some other reason, then you should probably not consider this guy.
Now let's look at me. Laziness + eating whatever I want and as much of it as I want = me looking like I'm not fed. Unless I could afford to buy massive weight gain formula, eat a bunch of food that's supposed to help me gain weight, and had room in my house to put a bench so I could work out, I can't gain weight. Unfortunately, I don't have the money or the room to do those things. I'm not going to look like that guy standing next to me. Because I am physically unable to look like him, you might think that I am not dedicated. You don't know how dedicated I am in other areas of my life. You might not see me as being protective. You can't tell if I'm in better cardiovascular shape than him or not. You might assume that I'm not because I don't work out all the time.
Until you get to know that guy next to me, you have no reason to assume that the reason for him working out is to attract women or any other reason like that. That's fine, but what you see in that guy, or what you think you see in that guy are only educated guesses. What you see in me, or think you see in me, are only educated guesses, and in my situation, are based on a lack of information.
Let's say I see a girl in a tight shirt and shorts. What am I supposed to think of her? What if the first time I see you, you happen to be wearing some physically appealing outfit? You wouldn't want me to judge you on that. If the way you look isn't the way society says women should look, should I think that you aren't healthy, aren't attractive, or whatever? Or should I get to know you first and enjoy "the symbolism of your body" later, after I know the kind of person you are?
Guys like to use actions as a way to tell what kind of person you are. I'm seeing that some women (not sure how many, at least some) use results to tell what kind of person you are. Of course there are times when men and women use both, but this is a general statement. What's my point? If there's some quality you think you see in a guy, prove that it's there first. Guys are going around unintentionally displaying qualities that they may or may not have. We don't always know what sort of ideas we're sending out based on the way we look! You might think we lack a certain quality because you can't see it's effects by the way we look. You might also see more qualities in us than there are. If you get the wrong impression of us, sorry, we don't mean it. If we don't know that you're looking for the results of qualities based on how we look, then we'll keep sending you the wrong message without knowing it!
Does my body lack protective symbolism? Yeah. Doesn't mean I'm not protective, or that I'm not dedicated. I have special circumstances, and I can't do anything about them. Don't penalize me because I don't look a certain way. There are so many different factors in involved in different situations that half the time, the way a person looks might not mean anything, or it could mean a bunch of things. Give me (and other guys of course) a chance to prove who we are, based on who we are, not on the "results" of qualities you think we may or may not have.
I don't think this is too big of a problem. Then again, I could be way off. At the very least, it's a potential problem which can easily be solved, and make life in the universe much easier.
posted by Charles Fan at
5:23 PM
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