Oh, and one more thing...

I haven't found a guy that wouldn't mind a girlfriend/wife with tennis player legs. Remember that list of things I said that a virtuous guy likes in a girl? Put this near the top of the wishlist of things that we don't need, but will certainly take. Umm, yeah, that's basically all I wanted to say.

If anyone can convert Maria Sharapova or someone of her ilk (Russian women seem to have a monopoly on attractive tennis players, but us guys are open to other possibilities), let us know.

Should it really be like this?

It's time: time for the guy to pop the big question. Well, the first big question: "Will you go out with me?", or however it ends up being worded. He's built up the confidence he needs to ask you out, considered the risks and the rewards, and decided that the reward (you) is worth the risks (stuff I'll get into shortly). The guy is experiencing tension, excitement, and fear (this is if he doesn't know how you feel about him, and I'll get into that shortly as well too). Will our hero experience ecstasy or embarrassment? Were his intuitions right, or way off? If he's turned down, will they still be friends, or it will their friendship get screwed up?

If those were two real people I was talking about, we'd want to know the answers to those questions. But I have a better question than all of them. Read blog post title and insert that sentence here.

Could things be different? Could a guy ask a girl out without having to worry about embarrassment, loss of a friend, or whatever? Is there a way for the guy to not have to guess how she feels about him nearly as much as he has to? Do things have to be this way? Why are they this way?

My contention is that the world has affected this part of our lives. We're supposed to be Christians. I'm supposed to be concerned about your wants above mine. I should be willing to do what I can to help you. I should do what's in your best interest. I should not be offended, and I should try not to offend you. I should be in control of my own emotions, and be concerned about how the other person feels.

Let's pretend that there's a guy and a girl who are both like that, but the guy doesn't know quite how she feels about him. He's ready to ask her out. Sure, the guy still feels anticipation, and he's afraid that she'll say no. But besides rejection and some embarrassment, that's about as far as his fear goes. He knows that both of them are Christians that really care about other people. There's no reason why they shouldn't still be friends if she says no (though stuff sometimes happens of course).

Also, these two Christian people should be in control of their emotions. He should be able to accept being turned down, and both should be able to calmly talk about it. They should both be concerned about how the other person is feeling after a situation like this, and make sure the other person is feeling okay.

Minor tangent, but these are things we should do to our friends, and even our enemies, but back to the topic. See how much different things are if we act like real Christians to each other? Loss of friendship and major embarrassment aren't concerns because they shouldn't happen. But what about the other "problem" that I presented earlier? The guy doesn't know how she feels about him.

There's no single answer to that. However, I believe that the guy could know how she feels (and visa versa) more often, but there's a big reason why he doesn't. It's the same reason why friendships can get screwed up and there can be embarrassment. It's worldly influence, and a specific kind too.

People keep their opinions of others to themselves. We're a "tolerant society", and we don't want others to know how we feel about them (whether it's good or bad). If we tell someone in the world just how we feel about them, we won't get a Christian response most of the time. Those attitudes (being tolerant of everyone and not sharing how you feel) has rubbed off on us, I'm sure of it.

Think back to right after the Wisconsin shooting. We all tried to be there for each other. We tried to comfort one another, listen to one another, pull together, and I heard many say that they'd try to let others know how they felt about them. Not surprisingly, that ideal way of thinking wore off, and everyone went back to normal. In my opinion, we (that definitely includes me as well) didn't live up to our word (which is called lying), and didn't continue to do our duty as Christians (which is not good enough). We failed.

Why were we willing to tell each other how much we meant to each other as friends (or more than friends)? Was it because we were all trying to act like Christians? Was it because we were all putting ourselves second and each other first? Was it because we knew we could trust the other person with how we felt about them? Was it because things like embarrassment seemed so petty at the time? Did we not have to worry about the friendship getting screwed up if we shared how we felt because at the time, knowing how the other person felt about you seemed so much more important?

Earlier I asked that you pretend that there was a guy and girl who were Christian and treated each other that way. Now imagine those two Christian people, but imagine that they grew up in a world where things were like they were after the shooting (people being open and honest with each other, putting each other first, etc.). In this world, the guy more than likely knows how she feels about him, and visa versa (because being open and honest with each other is normal). He feels confident about himself already because he knows just how much he means to all his friends. And even if he didn't know how she felt and he asks her out and she says no, there shouldn't be any embarrassment, because they'll have grown up expressing themselves to others.

Unfortunately, that world isn't real. For a little while after the Wisconsin incident, it was real, but it faded away. I think that we should try for this kind of world. I know we'll never achieve that kind of world in this life, but think about it: people being open, honest, having a selfless, Christian attitude towards each other. No fear, no embarrassment. I think that's kind of what things will be like in the future. Why not aim for that now? Why not try to put that into practice in our lives? Why not do what we can to help our friendships go to deeper levels, and help those deep friendships transform into something more?

Yeah, I went all over the place with this post, but I think the message was important, and worth sharing. I think we can all do so much better in this area of our lives, and ask ourselves why we aren't. I think we should aim for the way we treated each other after Wisconsin, and we should also aim to stay that way.

Should it really be like this? I think life should be like the way I described, and I think we should try for it, but that's just me.

Life's not a fairy tale

And you're not a princess. Remember all those Disney movies you more than likely grew up watching? The girl gets in trouble, the guy goes through some crazy adventure to save her, they ride off into the sunset together, the end.

Here's the thing: You're not a little mermaid, you're not princess Jasmine, you're not a sleeping beauty (except for when you're asleep), and we're not coming to rescue you from some evil witch or whatever. Sure, we'd like to rush in, save your life and greatly improve the quality of it due to our presence, and live happily ever after with you. There's just one small problem. Read the title of this blog post again if you forgot what the problem is.

The Disney idea of the princess is an attractive girl who is deserving of her charming prince, the "getting to know each other" process is usually ignored, and she has to wait for him to sweep her away. As a girl, you'll probably find some way to associate yourself with the princess, and the idea of being a beautiful princess being swept away from a charming prince probably sounds pretty sweet.

Let's look at reality. First of all, you're not a princess, and it's not a guarantee that you're attractive. Second of all, us guys aren't princes. In fact, Prince, formerly known as...the artist formerly known as Prince, sucks, and we want to have nothing in relation to that guy. I think the people who read this blog understand that you need to get to know the other person first, so I won't get into that. A woman waiting for a man to sweep her off her feet; that's a thing us guys have a problem with.

A situation like that basically means the guy has to do the brunt of the work to make things work out. Ok, as guys, we know that we have our responsibilities before and during a relationship. We'll pay for your dinners, travel to see you, call you more often than you call us, do what we can to help you with your problems, and other things as well (I'm going under the assumption that this is a good guy, and this is the kind of guy that you like). We're fine with doing the majority of the work.

What we don't like is when we see a lack of effort on the girl's part. Friendships are mutual. A relationship is mutual. I put forth effort, you put forth effort. I'm not saying that it has to be 50% on each side. I'm not even saying that it has to be close to 50% on each side. In fact, there is no exact way to say it, so I'll try my best: us guys want to see some positive responses when we do stuff to help move a friendship towards a relationship, and maybe even a little bit of effort on your part to help things with the relationship.

Imagine that every choice we make that involves the relationship is like deciding who goes first in a game of chess. And every time, we're white (not a racist statement) and go first. We'll be the ones to ask the other person out, we'll do the other things like I said. But when we're deciding if you're right for us, we want to know that the person we're considering is willing and able to put forth effort.

While we're in the pre-relationship phase (or pre-sweeping you off your feet phase), we're considering the effort you put forth into the friendship and keeping the friendship going well. We're also considering a bunch of other things, but effort is important. The thing is, us guys don't want to be lonely; we want a woman in our life. Having a woman helps complete us in an amazing way that I can't explain since it can't be put into words (plus I've never experienced it before). God created us this way. And when us guys are thinking about the times we can spend with you in the future, we're considering the effort you'll put forth at that time. We're wondering if you'll help complete us in the way we want you to or not. We're wondering if the two-way street of love will be a 6-lane highway on one side and a single road on the other, or if you too will have a 6-lane highway worth of effort on your side. Yes, cheesy analogy, but the best I could come up with at 3:30 in the morning. That 6-lane highway of yours needs to be there during marriage, and we want to see that it will be like that during marriage.

Maybe as a woman, you're acting like this because you're testing the guy, to see if he's dedicated to you, if he'll be there for you, if he really, truly loves you, etc. If you decide to go that route, it's up to you, but keep in mind that us guys are taking note of the fact that you may be acting like a woman who doesn't put forth her due effort. We also have no way of knowing if you are testing us or are in fact really bad at putting forth effort (something we don't want).

I also mentioned earlier how a Disney princess is someone who is deserving of her prince. If you are testing the guy, remember that you too are not perfect. In fact, the guy may be deserving of someone better than you, or visa versa of course. If you're gonna test a guy like this, make sure that you too are willing to be tested (though us guys go about testing women differently than women test us). Remember that he may be the best thing to happen in your life, and that you're not some royal princess who deserves to have the world revolve around them, but you're a human being, just like the guy who is trying to win you over. Remember that we want to see that you're a woman who can and will put forth the effort.

Remember that life isn't a fairy tale. I can't stop you from wishing that some parts of it were, but if you set your expectations at unrealistic levels, you may screw up your best opportunity. Put forth some effort, show some love, help make things easier and better, and we'll love you all the more for it.