We are manly men

We don't like being called boys. Being called a boy is beyond just a pet peeve. It's an insult. You are insulting our manliness. We aren't boys. Boys are people that haven't reached puberty yet. Around the time they reach puberty, they transition into becoming a guy. Guy-ness is officially established around 15 or 16, although some establish themselves earlier. At age 18, we are legally men, but we still have to establish our manliness (college, job, responsibility, stuff like that). Around our early to mid-twenties, we officially become men, although some become men earlier. Until then, we are guys, or young men, both are acceptable. Just because we haven't had a chance to prove our manliness in high school doesn't mean we are boys. We don't graduate from boys to men. We stay as guys until we become men.

In fact, we like being guys. We get the best of both worlds. We can be REALLY immature like boys, and we can have intellectual talks like men. We can be responsible and irresponsible. If we don't have our life planned out by the time we graduate high school, don't call us boys. Give us some time to figure out what we want to do at college. Let us make ourselves into something. Look at our potential and see the person we're trying to become.

Do you want a guy who can keep you secure? If so, how do you know if he'll be able to do that? How can he prove that when he's in high school? He can't. There are qualities that you want in a guy that we can't prove until we're older. You'll have to see our potential first, based on other qualities we have or don't have.

We like being guys, we like being manly, but we know we aren't men right now. We're guys, preparing to become men, waiting to prove ourselves. We can't always just go out there and get in situations to prove who we are. Just because you don't see a quality in us doesn't mean we don't have it. Just because we don't have it now doesn't mean we aren't trying, or that we won't have it later.

We don't want to be insulted because we're not men yet. It takes time to become a man, and to prove that we're men. Call us guys, call us young men, but not boys. You might not mean to insult us by calling us boys, but please do us a favor, and say guys or young men instead. Unless, of course, you want to call us men, which we have no problem with.

We act like manly men, manly men, HUH!

Alert, alert! Keep your eyes open for blanket statements about people, and keep your mind open to what I have to say.

That's right, we're men. Guys. Males. We like it. We like our steaks big and our cars fast. It's in our genes to watch and/or play sports. An attractive woman is almost always worth our time. These are some obvious examples of "manly" things. How is an attractive woman a "manly" thing? I'll get to that shortly.

Unless we're on a diet, we don't have money, or somehow aren't that hungry, we like steaks; man-sized steaks. I'm not talking about a dainty 8 ounce filet mignon, I'm talking about a 16 ounce pourterhouse or 12 ounce rib-eye. If it weren't for vegetables, that steak could/should be our entire meal. Vegetables are weak; meat is manly.

Certain cars can steal a man's attention away from a woman. He may know more about a car than he knows about you. It's scary, but exotic and fast cars speak to the inner man in a way that most women can't. A woman can say no if you ask her out on a date, but an Enzo Ferarri won't say no to going from 0-60 in a few seconds. Cars like that are kind of like an external replacement to a weightlifter's body. What's manlier than reving up a powerful engine and leaving everyone in your dust inside of a car with more curves than most of the women you know? That's right, there really isn't anything manlier than that.

Most guys love watching and/or playing sports. In case you haven't noticed, guys are competitive. We see who's stronger, who can throw a football further, who's got the biggest muscles, who can eat their food faster, who can keep their eyes open the longest without blinking, etc. We usually don't care how stupid the competition may be; it's a competition, and we're usually competitive by nature. Sports are all about competition and showing off your skill, and sometimes about having fun. Sports are also a good way for male bonding by the way.

When a guy is with an attractive woman, it makes him feel manly. It's proportional; the more attractive of a woman he's with, the manlier he feels and appears to other guys. It's like an unwritten law. Of course other factors come into play which can increase or decrease how manly he appears, but the point is that woman make men feel manly, and the more womanly she is, the manlier he feels.

These are things that virtuous and non-virtuous men feel. Like I said before, there are other ways that allow men to feel manlier, these are just some common examples. What sets the virtuous men aside from the non-virtuous men is that the virtuous guys aren't as simple when it comes to women. Remember how I said that other factors come into play when a guy is with an attractive girl? Those other factors play a big role. Being married to a sweet, innocent girl will make us feel truly manlier. An intellectual and funny girl will give us more joy than a nice looking girl. True manliness is being married to a virtuous woman, not a super model (although we wouldn't mind if that virtuous girl was a super model).

Men like being men, and we want it to stay that way. Whether it's superficial or real, there are many ways for us to feel and show our manliness. Virtuous men do enjoy the superficial feeling of manliness, but what they really want is that feeling of true manliness; cruising down the road in their Ferarri with their beautiful virtuous woman beside them as they head out to a steak house after finishing watching a football game. If they can't do that, they'll settle for a virtuous woman and a good steak (or in my case, some really good Italian food).

Us and Them All Over Again

And the winner is...some other guy. We've heard the saying that nice guys finish last. Unfortunately, it's not far from the truth. Virtuous guys are nice guys. They're sweet, caring, compassionate, friendly, helpful, all of that good stuff. Whether they are just friends or in a relationship, they will be there for you. They will help if they can, and they really do care about you. These are qualities you want in a guy, whether a friend or a boyfriend, right? So how come virtuous guys don't get the girl, or at least not right away? How come everyone else but the virtuous guy has some girl showing interest in him? I'm not talking about the 22 year old virtuous guy, I'm talking about the teenage virtuous guy.

The teenage virtuous guy doesn't get into a relationship; he doesn't want one yet. He wants things to be just right before dating the right girl. That's why he waits until he's about 22 or older (there are exceptions of course). He still has to go through college first, get a job, council for baptism, all of that good stuff. He wants to be moving in the right direction so he can take that virtuous babe along with him. Most virtuous guys don't live near that virtuous girl, and might choose to move near her before dating.

The teenage virtuous guy is waiting before he makes his move. He's preparing himself, but in the mean time, he's doing the best he can. He can't prove he'll be that great protector and provider while he's still in high school. He might not have his exact career nailed down until his later years in college. Until that time, the virtuous guy does the best he can. He acts like a virtuous man, treats you as an important friend, and only does good things for you.

So how come these great guys, who plan on becoming greater, are looked over and ignored? Women don't show much interest in these guys. As far as the virtuous guy can tell, no girl is interested in him. A few girls may have had a crush on him for a month, and then get over it. Big deal. The virtuous guy doesn't want to date anyone, but it helps to know that he's doing the right things and that women are noticing.

"He deserves a great woman." Is that code talk for "Go find some other great woman"? Obviously there are only going to be a certain amount of girls that will like a guy, but for the virtuous guy, he knows of little to no girls that like him (once again, there are exceptions). What is the virtuous guy doing that is wrong? As far as he can tell, nothing.

And what does the virtuous guy see? Unvirtuous guys who have virtuous or unvirtuous girlfriends. Unvirtuous and virtuous girls going after these unvirtuous guys. What is he supposed to think? "Wow, this being a great guy stuff really doesn't work. I should start dressing and acting like a jerk. I should create some problems in my life. I should become known for creating useless drama in everyone else's lives. Maybe then girls will be interested in me."

I've explained one of the reasons why guys go for the unvirtuous woman: she's attractive. That's easy to understand. But why do virtuous and unvirtuous women choose that contaminated bottle of water (think back to camp)? Why is the pure water passed up? I've only heard one good answer so far (which I won't tell you, maybe), but it still isn't enough for me.

Why do nice guys finish last? Why do we have to wait for some women to choose the contaminated water before realizing that it tastes horrible? Guys do the same thing too, but I've already given one good reason why.

Why doesn't this post really apply to the 22 year old virtuous guy? Because by then the woman has probably realized that he's the type of guy she wants. By then they see where the guy is going in his life, and she wants to go with him. The nice guy finishes last, but he still finishes.

Nice guys want to know why they are overlooked. They want to know why you would settle for anything less than the best. They want to know what unpure water has that pure water doesn't (besides nasty impurities). They also want to know that even though you may not like them, that they are doing the right things. "You deserve a great girl" doesn't always cut it.

Did my examples represent every situation or line of thinking? No. I just picked a common situation and line of thinking and went with it. My point wasn't to show every situation, but to show how virtuous men think, which was best explained using a common example.

If anyone has some insight into why virtuous and non-virtuous women go for the impure water, it would be mucho appreciated.

Us and Them...The Legend Continues

Welcome back boys and girls. Yes, this is a second blog in one day. I've got more on my mind this time. This is kind of a continuation of what I've been talking about. What kind of girl does a virtuous guy want? How does he meet her? Here's part of the virtuous man's playbook.

Everyone's at camp. You're a cute girl and a Mr. Virtuous has never met you before. He might say hi to you, or join a group that you're in and meet you that way. Maybe his friends will introduce you to each other. Most likely, the guy will try to meet you without the help of others. You're cute, why wouldn't he want to say hi?

He'll get to know what kind of person you are. He'll pay attention to the people you hang out with, the reputation you have, the clothes you wear (certain types of girls usually wear certain types of clothes). He'll pay attention to the things you say and what you talk about. There are other things he'll pay attention to, these are just some of them. He wants to know that you are a good girl. What do virtuous guys like? Innocence. Innocence is really attractive. A sweet, cute, innocent girl is a slice of heaven. A guy can generally determine your innocence based on the things I listed in this paragraph, and other things of course. What sort of clothes do innocent girls wear? What sort of things do they talk about? What sort of people do they hang out with?

On April 9, 2006, Josh Kerr wrote an excellent blog about women. He talked about how the way you look can be more attractive than a beautiful woman walking down the street. She's temporary, fake, untrue, and not innocent. You however, should be true and innocent. It is that truth and innocence that gets us. Those are the sort of things that wow us over. We might not always remember to list it as a quality we like in a woman, but it's powerful and beautiful.

Being cute might get things started, but being a good innocent girl can really get things rolling. The innocent girl will beat an attractive every time. If you're cute and I get to know you, and find out that you really aren't that innocent, that you aren't pure, that you aren't a good person, then you are just a waste of good looks to us. It won't matter how attractive you are. Good looks are an incentive for us to meet you sometimes, but they will not buy you friendship with us.

You may have noticed that I keep using the word "cute". What about the really beautiful girls, or the normal looking ones? We still talk to the normal looking girls, sometimes we see the way they act at camp, or see the kind of things they talked about on the youth forum. We want to meet you. Sometimes we think you're more attractive than everyone else does, but like I previously said, being cute gives us an incentive to want to talk to you. The really beautiful girls aren't always what we're looking for. Some of us would prefer that you're cute rather than gorgeous. You don't need to keep trying to look extra beautiful; we like you the way you are.

Virtuous guys are allowed to choose the really beautiful and innocent girls over the cute and innocent girls if they like. Some of us, however, would pick the cute ones over the really beautiful ones, and be just as happy.

There you have it; more insight into virtuous men, with more to come.

Us and Them Part 2

This is going to be a fun post. I'm not sure how I'm gonna pull it off or if I'll be able to explain it correctly. I might need some help from my fellow man.

Ok, let's recap a little: last time I explained that virtuous men, who do exist, are not like worldly men. These guys really love you for who you are, not what you look like. If you're attractive, that helps, but it's not mandatory. You probably know some of these guys. Why are there so few of these guys around? Are they a genetic mutation, the result of an experiment? Is it just an act; all men are the same, but some just act better than others? Here is the truth.

Guys think about girls...a lot. That's not too surprising. Women know that guys go for attractive women (reminder: that was a general statement). Ben's comment summed it up pretty well; women put more of an emphasis on their looks, show off more of their body, so they can be recognized by guys. It's the guy who usually hits on the girl because he's more interested in getting together with her. It's a shallow world. Why is that?

It's the way God designed men. I sometimes question why He designed us this way, but He knew what He was doing. I'll try to give you an example of what it's like being a guy.

There's probably been at least one time in your life when you've had a guy or guys on your mind. Usually it's voluntary; you decided to have guys on your mind. Have you ever had a time when guys were involuntarily on your mind? That's what it's like for guys...EVERY SINGLE DAY. We aren't constantly thinking about girls, but we could. We don't always want to, but it happens.

We might be doing some homework. Our mind gets bored while doing a math problem...BAM, some internal switch turns on, and we're in the mood to think about girls. We're walking down the street, or we're walking to class, and every other girl is someone we want to lust after. She's hot, why would I not want to see what she's wearing today? Simply put, men are ready to lust. If we're not lusting, we're probably waiting for an opportunity to.

Sometimes we get a day off and it's not a problem for us. Girls don't really cross our mind that day, and everything is good in the universe. Other days, it's the opposite. Right now I'm hungry, so my mind is telling me to think about food. Later today, my mind might suggest that I think about girls without any provocation.

Yeah, not quite what you expected to hear. It's a secret struggle that basically every guy has to go through. It's the great male pasttime. It effects the jerks who treat women like objects, the men who design advertisements so that they appeal to men, and even the virtuous guys. The difference is that the virtuous guys have "trained" themselves to not give in to those lusts. If they did give in to those lusts, they would going after the attractive girls with low morals. Instead, they deny the self, and search after the truly beautiful women; the spiritual and intellectual knockouts.

At any time they can and do stumble. They aren't perfect; they have to keep their guard up every day. We have to keep our guard up against physically beautiful women like you. You are a double-edged sword. You might not mean to, but you can be a stumbling block. Consider your wardrobe next time.

1 Corinthians 8 talks about food offered to idols. Paul explains that an idol is nothing, so it should not matter if food is offered to idols. However, some people were weak, and their conscience wouldn't allow them to eat food offered to idols. Verse 9 says how your clear conscience can be a stumbling block to the weak. You may have a clear conscience wearing that pair of shorts, but for guys, it may be a stumbling block. In verses 12-13, Paul gives his answers for what you should do, and why you should do it. "But when you thus sin against the brethren, and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never again eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble."

Don't go throwing out half of your wardrobe, but keep in mind what Paul said. If you cause one of your brethren to stumble, even if it's unintentional, you sin against Christ. If we take care of the poor, we are also doing it towards Christ. If we cause someone to sin, we are doing it towards Christ.

You're still beautiful, whether you're wearing shorts or long pants. You are doing every guy a real favor by not putting a stumbling block in his way. Virtuous men are trying to avoid that stumbling block, even if it's out there. However, we would appreciate it if it wasn't there. This isn't a point I had planned on making, but it's still one that should be pointed out. Go out there and be beautiful, but remember the effect you can unintentionally have on guys.

Virtuous guys aren't like worldly guys because they try not to give in to their lusts. That is why you don't see many of them, because they have to change themselves.

I will stop now before this gets any longer. There is still more for me write, and hopefully next time it won't be as long.

Us and Them Part 1

I know the truth; the truth about men. I know what we think about, why we think about those things, and how often we think about them. I know what makes us tick. I'm here to share it with you all. When I say "you all", I'm refering to women mainly. There are some things about guys that I think you should know. Obviously I can't explain every single thing, but I'll try to talk about the things that most women know about but might not understand, or the things that cause problems. Why am I doing this? Is it because I'm a nice guy? Well, yes, I am. However, the real reason is that I recently had some talks with, yep, you guessed it, women. And while the thoughts of one or a few women don't necessarily represent those of every woman, they obviously represent the thoughts of some. I hope that my next few blogs can clear some things up.

Note: When I say men or women, I'm obviously not speaking for every man or woman. It's a general statement.

I'm gonna start by diving into a big topic; attraction. Let's use Catherine Zeta-Jones as our example. She's beautiful. Michael Douglas is one lucky guy to be married to her. A lot of guys would want to be married to someone that looks like her. Can you blame them? No, you can't, because women also want to be married to an attractive person. Maybe they don't want to be married to some Brad Pitt look-alike, but physical attraction to the guy doesn't hurt. What I'm about to tell you may be shocking to you, so I'll start a new paragraph to explain it.

Not every guy cares about marrying some super gorgeous woman. Read that statement again. I know, it's shocking! These guys that I'm refering to care much more about who that woman is than what she looks like. If she has all the qualities he wants in a woman, but she isn't attractive, she's still the woman of his dreams! If she's cute, great, he'll be more than happy that she's perfect and that she's cute. Her appearance is only an added bonus. It had little or nothing to do with why he liked her.

Who are these guys!? What planet are they from, and when can you get a ride there? These guys exist here on Earth. They are not some other species. In fact, you probably know some of them. These are the virtuous guys you know from camp or the youth forum. Some of these guys were leaders in their dorms and gave speeches at camp. They came back as staff or counselors so they could see their friends and help set a good example. They asked good questions and had good answers on the youth forum. Maybe you weren't good friends with them, but you still trusted them. You couldn't say anything bad about them. I am good friends with people like this. I don't know all of these types of guys, but I know they are out there. They are looking for virtuous women. Just because a girl is really attractive does not mean that they like her or are interested in her. These truly good men will always choose an unatractive virtuous woman over a beautiful woman with some ok qualities.

Next time I plan on showing how the non-virtuous man thinks about these things and why there aren't many of these virtuous men out there. It will take a little while for everything to fit together, but be patient. I hope that my insights can help women better understand men, see that not all men are the same, and that we aren't as different from women as everyone else would like you to believe. Yes, men and women are different, that's why we're men and women! However, we're not a different species.

I hope this first installment has been helpful. Let me know what you think of it so far.