A recipe for disaster

I've been gone for quite a while, but now that I have a new computer, I'm back! Yes, I am back and with new stuff to rant about! Yay!

Here's a scenario: I assume that if you're reading this, you are a guy or a girl. You are probably a teenager or a little older than that. In case this never happened to you (which I highly doubt), imagine that you're in your early to mid-teens and that there is a girl or a guy that you really like. This person might be your first really big crush, the first person that you really like for the right reasons, or the first person you could really see yourself with in the future. The first person seems to be the one that people get attached to the most, that they compare future potential boyfriends/girlfriends to, so I'll use that person in the scenario (in your life it might not have been the first person that you felt this way towards). Also, this person that you like is the same age as you. You're probably a pretty good person, and the person you like is probably a good person too. Here's the kicker: some time has gone by, you two have gotten to know each other, and you both like each other.

Sounds nice, doesn't it? No, it's a recipe for disaster! In a universe where stuff goes right this is a great situation. In our universe, the odds of things working out between them are a lot closer to zero than one might first imagine. How can this be? What crazy ideas have filled my mind since I last posted something on this site!?

I'll do what Fox News claims to do: I'll report and you'll decide. First off there's no guarantee that either of you like just one person. There's probably competition you have to deal with. What's that competition like? Guys can go for girls with a lower religious quality than they should and visa versa. The bad boy/bad girl is more fun. You're too young to get married, why not have fun until you're ready to get married!?

First off, fun doesn't prepare you for marriage. It might help you see what qualities that "fun" person has that you wish they had. You can learn from it, but it's not the best way to learn. This brings up my next point: this person in my scenario that you're interested in (most likely the first person you've become attached to) will probably just be a learning experience. I know so many people that didn't end up with that first person. Think about it yourself, how often does that happen?

I personally believe that relationship stuff is best learned through experience. People and relationships are different; your experiences will be different than someone else's. You can be taught guidelines, see other people's examples, but we're all unique, and that's why I think the best way for people to learn about relationship stuff is by experiencing it on their own. (Note: I'm not saying that you have to start dating that person to learn. How do you act around that person? Do you stop acting like yourself and try to impress them? Why are you really interested in that person? Are you more attracted to their looks? Do you really just want someone to like you back? Those are just some questions you ask yourself and learn from while you're still getting to know someone. And, as a technicality, friendships are relationships.)

So back to the scenario. You and this person you like will probably be a learning experience for each other. You obviously don't know everything (or maybe anything) about real love. Mistakes will be made, and probably not just by you. That's not a recipe for success.

Oh, and one more thing. You're both the same age. That pretty much means you're screwed. It's a stereotype that girls go for the older guy. It becomes a stereotype because it's usually true. Older guys are more mature, are probably closer to baptism (if they're not already baptized), and have been in the work force longer and concluded their education sooner (sucks to be you, why couldn't you have been born two years earlier?). Guys can't go for even slightly younger girls until they're about 20 (a 19 year old dating a 17 year old doesn't sound right in my book for more than one reason). Guys going for younger girls might seem cheap and easy. Girls going for older guys is just them getting on the fast track to marriage.

Am I a pessimist? In this case, I'm a realist. I've seen this sort of scenario play out just as I've described. I've seen it more than once, more than twice. I've seen the same conclusion happen different ways. I'm sorry to say I don't have some happy way to turn this around. I try and point out the good things in my posts, even when things seem bad. In this case, all I can say is that if you went through this scenario I described, you probably reached the same conclusion; you tried, you failed, you learned, and you moved on. You thought you found 'the one', and it didn't work out. Learn from it and move on is all I can say. Freak out about the situation for a bit, but move on.

Maybe someone out there has a different perspective, or some light at the end of the tunnel that I don't see. Two people learning about love and themselves is about the only good thing I can see from this. And maybe some reassurance. Don't feel bad that it didn't work out. It probably wasn't supposed to, not then anyways. Maybe later, maybe with someone else, but don't get yourself down when things didn't work out the first time. Hopefully you've become a better man or woman because of it, and can be a better person for that special someone you eventually end up with.

Here's the dealio

It's time for my idea of the month. This one doesn't (necessarily) involve women!

Situation: There's a crisis in your life. Your mother is going to get surgery to have her thyroid removed because it may have cancer growing on it. Yes, this is a real scenario, and yes, my mom survived the surgery. How do you respond? You could ask your friends to pray for your mom's surgery. Good call? Yes. Go do a study on healings in the New Testament (even just miracles in general will work), and see what's going on when those people are healed. Usually there's someone who has total faith that the healing will occur, or there are a lot of people who have faith and as a result there are a lot of healings or miracles. There are a lot of examples where a lot of people faithfully praying for someone's healing for the right reasons (right reasons mean that you aren't praying for your faith to be increased because the faith needs to be there first before the miracle, you're not trying to impress others or draw attention to yourself) can bring about a healing if it is God's will for that person to even be healed at that time or even at all. Yes, run on sentences are fun.

Moving on, what else can you do? You can pray to God yourself! Good call? Yep. Personal prayer is important. Asking others to pray for someone or something is good, but it means nothing if you don't actually do it yourself. You think God's gonna like seeing you pass off prayer responsibilities (we do have a responsibility to pray for others) to others and not do it yourself!? Heck no! If you want to see something done, at least pray for it yourself.

So let's say you do these things but you've been neglecting other areas of your Christian life. Know what that's called? Yes, it is stupid, but that's not what I'm looking for. The word I'm looking for is selfish. SELFISH! The 'fish' part of that word may stand out and seem kind of funny (it does for me), but think about it! Everything is good, everything is fine, your spiritual life is suffering but it's not a big worry right now. You just KNOW that you'll get your act together later. Some way, some how, you'll drop all these habits of yours and start being a better person. You know you should be doing better, but you're just not right now. But it's ok, life is fine right now. Could be better, could be worse. And then WHAM! Something bad happens. Your mom is going to get surgery. She could die. Replace that example with something in your life. Someone close to you is sick and dying. Your family is facing serious financial problems and if you don't get money in 30 days, you'll be living on the street. I know we all can think of real serious things in our lives that we've wanted God to work out.

Got that example in your head? Good. Think about how you felt during that time. You may have cried or wanted to. Other things in your life now seem trivial. You really want God to work this out. You want a good resolution. So you ask Him to heal that person, provide money for your family, whatever. Problem is, you've been neglecting your spiritual life.

"Hi God, remember me? Yeah, I know, I haven't talked with You for a while. I haven't read much of Your book lately. I do enjoy it sometimes though. Anywho, I was hoping You could forget that I've been spending like no time being the Christian I should be and work out this miracle in my life. Why? Oh, umm...because I'd like You to? I'd be so thankful that I'd...well, I don't want to make any promises I know I won't keep. How about we just say that I'd really like this miracle worked out in my life and I might try to be a better Christian for a while and hopefully I'll stick with it. Well...hopefully in the future, when I'm done having all this fun, I'll stick with it."

That is in essence what you'd be saying. You've been neglecting God, if it weren't for the fact that God loved you, there'd be no good reason for Him to work a miracle in your life, and based on your past and recent actions, you certainly can't guarantee that you'll do any better in the future, even if God does work out that miracle in your life. We all know that no matter what we do, we can't "pay God back" or however you want to word it, but if we're going to live a Christian life, there are things we have to do. If we ask God to work things out in our life and don't do anything on our end, that's selfish. SELFISH! Not shellfish, selfish!

So here's the dealio: if you're gonna ask God to do something for you, you should do something for God. When I say something, I don't mean just one thing. By something, I mean that you should obey Him. That's a lifetime thing. He does uphold your life, work out things in your life that you don't even know about, and has reserved a spot for you in the Book of Life. This is all after He gave you life. The least you could do is obey Him, rather than kind of obey Him and ask for things in return. Once again, that's selfish. SELFISH.

You know what else would be stupid/selfish? Not thanking God after working out that miracle in your life. I don't think there's a word to describe how stupid that is. Saying it's Paris Hilton-ish is two words, so that doesn't work. Anywho, when God delivers, give Him the credit! Right away! In public, in private, wherever. When it happens, do it. You didn't bring about that miracle, and your goodness, or lack thereof, certainly didn't bring it about. It's selfish to ask for something, get it, and not say thank you. "Oh, cool, things worked out, I can get back to avoiding God now with less worries." Yay, you're being a selfish idiot!

Think about how you're living your life and just how selfish you're being. Think about how selfish/stupid you're being for getting upset that God hasn't worked out something in your life yet if you haven't done anything to deserve it (I know we don't earn things from God through our works. We need to do something from our end, that's the point I'm trying to make).

Before, during, and after a crisis, do the right thing and obey God. It's just that simple.

Stop with the hotness already!

For some reason, a line from the Simpsons comes to mind. The minister's wife would occasionally say in a histerical voice "Won't someone please think of the children!?" Well, won't someone please think of the guys? Yes women, I'm looking right at you when I say that.

Before thoughts of misogyny (look it up) invade your brain, let me elaborate. Women are hot. It's pretty much the truest fact of life for men. The sun rises every day, water is good for you, flatulence is funny, women are hot. There's no changing it, no denying it.

So here's the thing: we don't want to see your hotness. Seriously, we don't. Your tummy might be nice and flat, your legs might be slim and tan, and your whatever might be whatever, but we don't need to see it. Got a hot picture of yourself in a 2 piece bathing suit with your bffs who are also in 2 piece bathing suits? Don't make it your default myspace picture. Got another picture of you in short shorts and a tight t-shirt while you try and give your best 'happy and innocent even though everyone knows that you're not innocent and you can turn that happy face on any time you want' smile? Don't waste your time uploading it to Ringo. You'll pretty much just get perverted guys saying "ur hot" or your girl friends telling you "dang girl, your soooooo sexy!" Unless that's really what you want.

Bad but possibly funny analogy time: Men are like drug dogs and attractive women are like bags of crack and heroine. The drug dog does not want to know there are drugs in the area. Drug dog doesn't want to think "Oh man, there's some mighty fine crack over there" or "check out that marijuana." Drug dog wants to go about his business without constantly being distracted. Drug dog didn't ask to have a hightened perception of narcotics, but it's a fact of life.

Yes, guys also need to do their part too by not encouraging women to dress a certain way, and practicing self-control (which basically lasts their entire lifetime) when some hotty walks by (not diverting the eyes, not spending more time with one woman than another just because she's more attractive).

We want modesty. Yes, other guys don't want modesty, and even guys that do want modesty might not always act like it. But it's the truth. Here's are two simple equations that sum up our opinion of modesty and hotness: hotness before marriage = bad; hotness after marriage = good. I'm not saying or implying or asking or wanting you to get rid of or never wear your shorts or bathing suits or something ridiculous like that. I'm saying that it's in our best interest if you don't put a stumbling block in our way.

When a guy's married to his wife, oh yes, hotness all the way. Until then, we don't want to see how attractive 90% of your body looks. Whether you're in modest clothes or something that's more than just a little revealing, we'll still know you're attractive. Also, it doesn't send us the best message if you're flaunting your body around all the time.

We simply ask that when you upload a picture of yourself or buy a bunch of new clothes for this year or whatever, consider that although the clothes may be cute or the picture may be a good memory, that it may be a disservice to guys.

Don't do it

Bands are not allowed to cover songs any more. Why? Because the band that usually covers the song has a combined music talent that isn't worth mentioning, there's a decent chance the song isn't worth remaking, and they bastardize (harsh word, but it's used in the Bible) the song. When I hear a really bad cover of a song I actually like, I want to rewind time back to a point when all I knew was the good version of that song. Sometimes a band messes up and accidentally comes out with a good cover (since most song covers suck, it has to be the band's intention to make them crappy, right?), but I'll give up the occasional good remake of a song if I never have to hear my favorite song after it's been through a musical blender.

The world is a one way street of crap

The world is crap and full of crap ideas. The world bombards us with the ideas that women are goddesses and are these extra special people that can get away with crap because they have different anatomy. So you've got different anatomy, good for you. So I'm attracted to you, good for...one of us. Explain why you're so extra special. Oh wait, let me look at advertising, see if that can explain why you are just so darn special.

I would like to add that I am not sexist, just really annoyed with the crap ideas that the world throws at us, and I am attacking that, not people with two X chromosomes.

In general, if there is a commercial where the woman plays the main role, there are two types of women used; the serious woman, and the goddess woman. The serious woman is about age 30 or so, and talks to you about osteoperosis, minivans, or pre-made lunch foods for your children that will give them cancer in 20 years. The other is the goddess woman, who usually doesn't talk much, because it usually isn't really what she has to say that makes her a goddess, it's how she looks. What is a goddess commercial like?

Look at me, I'm so hot, and look at how I move around, I'm an independent woman, and look at how my hair flows around me, I'm so wonderful...by the way, this leg shaver is pretty good, it makes me feel hot, and independent, and wonderful.

There's also this one that I've hated for a while. Oh no, there's this wire, and it goes behind the wall, and it's connected to something I don't like. I'm gonna pull that wire through the wall, and it happens to travel through most of the room, and make a big freaking mess, but I've reached what that wire is connected to. I'm gonna smile and make my husband clean up after me, because I'm too...well, there's no reason why he should have to clean it up, since I was stupid and made a big mess, but I have the goddess mentality, I am just that good because I'm a woman, so I don't care. Just as long as he still loves me after I intentionally do something really stupid, and as long as he doesn't bring it up, because that would impede on how important I feel.

Movies are advertising, let's go there. The Princess Bride. Woman treats guy like crap, guy puts up with it. She eventually realizes that she loves him (and by "loves him", I mean that she took advantage of an opportunity that would play out in her favor, because the guy kept saying "as you wish", which basically means "I'll do whatever you want to make you happy, please, exploit the goodness of my heart"), guy decides to still love her after putting up with her crap. Misfortune befalls him, she is heartbroken, and for illogical reasons, vows to never marry (she got attached to her hot boy toy from Robin Hood: Men In Tights). He rescues her, but she eventually finds out that he didn't return to her as fast as he could so that he could pamper her, so she gets upset (forgetting that he just risked his life numerous times for her unthankful butt). Then as he tries to escort her to safety, she is completely useless in situations where he needs help. After other people are dragged into a complicated situation that she has made worse, and her "true love" makes the ultimate sacrifice, the movie of course ends on a positive note, where the guy and girl get together (setting up unrealistic expectations in the minds of optimistic and impressionable little girls who are learning how to exploit guys and that they really don't need to do much except try and be hot in order to get what they want, which in this case, was a man who was trying to be nice but was really setting himself up to get screwed over, but because this was a kid's movie, didn't show the real ending where the guy realizes how stupid it was to devote himself to such a selfish, but hot, woman, who really cared about the emotional attachment she had to his hotness and selfless devotion to her and her desires).

Goddess-like attitudes of treating herself extra special (and in return treating the guy like crap on purpose), making rash, illogical decisions because she feels like it, being upset that the guy didn't put forth 100% effort to always be with her, even though he just risked his life to be with her, and not returning the effort to be helpful when he needed help, those goddess-like attitudes pervade this movie.

The goddess is special, beautiful, desirable, independent when she doesn't need help, only dependent when she can't do stuff by herself, does not talk about times where she needed help because those are not events that happen to a goddess, thinking of herself first and foremost, forgetting the good that you did and focusing on something you did/didn't do because she never communicated for you to do/not do that thing, is allowed to make mistakes that she shouldn't have to clean up, expects the guy to clean up after her, expects the guy not to make mistakes, expects people to know what she wants at all times, yet somehow wants to be mysterious.

Simply put, the goddess is selfish. The goddess wants the guy to risk himself for her, but doesn't want to do the same for him. The guy risks things for her and does things for her, and the goddess thinks that because she is a goddess, that she is fair compensation to the guy. There is no guarantee the guy will be fairly compensated for what he does, but the goddess has a man who will do stuff for her and take care of her, so she is happy, and that's what really matters.

The guy wants to do stuff for her, take care of her, make her feel happy and special. Those things should be done because he wants to do them, not because she is some extra special girl that thinks too highly of herself and expects stuff from people. The girl shouldn't do crap on purpose. The girl shouldn't have the hypocritical "I'm independent except for all the times that I'm not, but we won't mention those because they make me feel less special" persona. The guy shouldn't have to wonder if all his time and effort devoted to this girl will end up in a fair compensation (getting a woman who will put back time and effort).

Men and women are different; we have responsibilities and ways of thinking and whatnot, but we're equals. We're both human, we both make mistakes, we both want to love and be loved, we both have the same opportunities for eternal life. I'm sorry, but you are not some extra special thing that should be put on a pedestal. You're a person, period. Be realistic, be sensible, don't do stupid crap on purpose, don't think you're all that. Just be a real person who treats others the way they should be treated, and you know what? Someone just might want to treat you like a goddess (in some ways) because they love you, not because you love yourself.

Be real and stay away from the "women are extra special because they can seduce people and society says that women should be treated in ways that are totally unrealistic" crap the world throws at us.

Oh, and one more thing...

I haven't found a guy that wouldn't mind a girlfriend/wife with tennis player legs. Remember that list of things I said that a virtuous guy likes in a girl? Put this near the top of the wishlist of things that we don't need, but will certainly take. Umm, yeah, that's basically all I wanted to say.

If anyone can convert Maria Sharapova or someone of her ilk (Russian women seem to have a monopoly on attractive tennis players, but us guys are open to other possibilities), let us know.

Should it really be like this?

It's time: time for the guy to pop the big question. Well, the first big question: "Will you go out with me?", or however it ends up being worded. He's built up the confidence he needs to ask you out, considered the risks and the rewards, and decided that the reward (you) is worth the risks (stuff I'll get into shortly). The guy is experiencing tension, excitement, and fear (this is if he doesn't know how you feel about him, and I'll get into that shortly as well too). Will our hero experience ecstasy or embarrassment? Were his intuitions right, or way off? If he's turned down, will they still be friends, or it will their friendship get screwed up?

If those were two real people I was talking about, we'd want to know the answers to those questions. But I have a better question than all of them. Read blog post title and insert that sentence here.

Could things be different? Could a guy ask a girl out without having to worry about embarrassment, loss of a friend, or whatever? Is there a way for the guy to not have to guess how she feels about him nearly as much as he has to? Do things have to be this way? Why are they this way?

My contention is that the world has affected this part of our lives. We're supposed to be Christians. I'm supposed to be concerned about your wants above mine. I should be willing to do what I can to help you. I should do what's in your best interest. I should not be offended, and I should try not to offend you. I should be in control of my own emotions, and be concerned about how the other person feels.

Let's pretend that there's a guy and a girl who are both like that, but the guy doesn't know quite how she feels about him. He's ready to ask her out. Sure, the guy still feels anticipation, and he's afraid that she'll say no. But besides rejection and some embarrassment, that's about as far as his fear goes. He knows that both of them are Christians that really care about other people. There's no reason why they shouldn't still be friends if she says no (though stuff sometimes happens of course).

Also, these two Christian people should be in control of their emotions. He should be able to accept being turned down, and both should be able to calmly talk about it. They should both be concerned about how the other person is feeling after a situation like this, and make sure the other person is feeling okay.

Minor tangent, but these are things we should do to our friends, and even our enemies, but back to the topic. See how much different things are if we act like real Christians to each other? Loss of friendship and major embarrassment aren't concerns because they shouldn't happen. But what about the other "problem" that I presented earlier? The guy doesn't know how she feels about him.

There's no single answer to that. However, I believe that the guy could know how she feels (and visa versa) more often, but there's a big reason why he doesn't. It's the same reason why friendships can get screwed up and there can be embarrassment. It's worldly influence, and a specific kind too.

People keep their opinions of others to themselves. We're a "tolerant society", and we don't want others to know how we feel about them (whether it's good or bad). If we tell someone in the world just how we feel about them, we won't get a Christian response most of the time. Those attitudes (being tolerant of everyone and not sharing how you feel) has rubbed off on us, I'm sure of it.

Think back to right after the Wisconsin shooting. We all tried to be there for each other. We tried to comfort one another, listen to one another, pull together, and I heard many say that they'd try to let others know how they felt about them. Not surprisingly, that ideal way of thinking wore off, and everyone went back to normal. In my opinion, we (that definitely includes me as well) didn't live up to our word (which is called lying), and didn't continue to do our duty as Christians (which is not good enough). We failed.

Why were we willing to tell each other how much we meant to each other as friends (or more than friends)? Was it because we were all trying to act like Christians? Was it because we were all putting ourselves second and each other first? Was it because we knew we could trust the other person with how we felt about them? Was it because things like embarrassment seemed so petty at the time? Did we not have to worry about the friendship getting screwed up if we shared how we felt because at the time, knowing how the other person felt about you seemed so much more important?

Earlier I asked that you pretend that there was a guy and girl who were Christian and treated each other that way. Now imagine those two Christian people, but imagine that they grew up in a world where things were like they were after the shooting (people being open and honest with each other, putting each other first, etc.). In this world, the guy more than likely knows how she feels about him, and visa versa (because being open and honest with each other is normal). He feels confident about himself already because he knows just how much he means to all his friends. And even if he didn't know how she felt and he asks her out and she says no, there shouldn't be any embarrassment, because they'll have grown up expressing themselves to others.

Unfortunately, that world isn't real. For a little while after the Wisconsin incident, it was real, but it faded away. I think that we should try for this kind of world. I know we'll never achieve that kind of world in this life, but think about it: people being open, honest, having a selfless, Christian attitude towards each other. No fear, no embarrassment. I think that's kind of what things will be like in the future. Why not aim for that now? Why not try to put that into practice in our lives? Why not do what we can to help our friendships go to deeper levels, and help those deep friendships transform into something more?

Yeah, I went all over the place with this post, but I think the message was important, and worth sharing. I think we can all do so much better in this area of our lives, and ask ourselves why we aren't. I think we should aim for the way we treated each other after Wisconsin, and we should also aim to stay that way.

Should it really be like this? I think life should be like the way I described, and I think we should try for it, but that's just me.